tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7657524303983911401.post3037243183040715302..comments2023-12-24T15:38:38.348-05:00Comments on Conflicting Clarity: The Break Up (Part 3) - Mothers-In-Lawjimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16886998354761882106noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7657524303983911401.post-79301867350228208132013-08-31T17:06:30.684-04:002013-08-31T17:06:30.684-04:00Sunne,
You have always been kind. I very much app...Sunne,<br />You have always been kind. I very much appreciate your concern. Jim is a very caring dad and a good person. We will always be good friends. We won't get back together again. I have to give Jim the chance to meet someone who can give him what he looks for.<br />Thanks again for being nice.Thttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07010105665796027175noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7657524303983911401.post-28047329923260482672013-08-31T06:36:21.796-04:002013-08-31T06:36:21.796-04:00Oh my - I'm so sorry to read about your breaku...Oh my - I'm so sorry to read about your breakup - again. <br /><br />I actually wanted to comment on T's blog on his "swing"-post but I have none of the requested accounts. And my questions fit in here just as well. <br /><br />This post is about the family, about their impact. I just wonder....has T even told his family why you two have broken up? He wrote that a few asked where you were. I wonder what he had told them and what reason he had given them. And what are their reactions to the knowledge that they are somehow also responsible to the break-up, his and yours heartsickness. I mean, they are his family, they know you have been together, they should wonder and care why this is no longer so? And I assume he is honest to them about the reasons. So I wonder, how does his family cope with taking the resonsiblity for being a reason for his choices.<br /><br />T - if you read this, don't raise your hackles, it's in no way meant to be disrespectful to you. It just makes me wonder if you and your family are in sync. For example shouldn't your sister be overjoyed for you to have a partner? And shouldn't your parents wish you to be happy? <br /><br />Because one thing it is that you are not - happy. I'm very sorry.<br /><br />Jim - please, please, I know you want to remain friends with T and that is okay but you two really need some time apart. As long as you talk with each other you won't be able to get over him. You know that, be honest to yourself, it hadn't worked before. It won't work now. Put a few months of no contact between you and him (sorry, sorry to both of you), you'll need it to find yourself and get over him. <br /><br />I wish you both all luck on the earth - and Jim, yes, kids are the most important people on the world, nothin is and should be more important to a parent than their kids happiness. You are a good dad.Sunnenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7657524303983911401.post-43834181631943781292013-08-27T01:21:43.146-04:002013-08-27T01:21:43.146-04:00People do have choices. They may not feel like th...People do have choices. They may not feel like they do, but they have choices on what to accept, what to reject. <br />The asian family dynamic is typically driven by the senior family member -- in many Japanese households, it's the male, in many Chinese households (which is where I am coming from), the women controls things, but behind the scenes, I'm not sure what the Vietnamese preference is. In any case, kids are taught to respect authority and to defer to elders. <br /><br />T has been conditioned way before you met him to acquiesce to authority. This is partially driven by a desire to maintain family harmony (even if just on the surface). <br /><br />Since I was raised in the States, while I still have some lingering piety to authority, I don't blindly follow my elders because frankly many of them are idiots, close-minded, and seek to maintain image and status over being good people.<br /><br />They are polite to your face but willing to screw you over just to gain some financial advantage.fan of caseynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7657524303983911401.post-17073005259348704652013-08-27T00:22:24.911-04:002013-08-27T00:22:24.911-04:00Certainly Mary and T's mother have issues. Th...Certainly Mary and T's mother have issues. The way you describe them, they both sound very controlling. I think that's a common problem. My mother-in-law can be extremely controlling as well.<br /><br />What's rather telling is that my MIL treats her three children very differently. She's extremely controlling with one kid, totally afraid of another, and a patsy for the third. The reason she's afraid of one is because that daughter has no problem saying no to her controlling ways. In fact, that daughter can be quite harsh. My wife OTOH constantly complains about her mother but she's never able to effectively stand up for herself. As a result, she gets micromanaged on a (literally) hourly basis.<br /><br />Mary and T's mom aren't perfect, but they're not the reason the problems persist. T, his sister and K all behave in ways that keep the dynamic going. If any one of them put their foot down in a decisive way and on a consistent basis, their mothers would start behaving very differently. It's the same dynamic as dealing with a bratty kid. If you're weak with them, they'll walk all over you, but the minute they know you mean business, they'll suddenly act much better.TwoLiveshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05801244463128618355noreply@blogger.com