K and I talked were talking about her feelings for AJ. She has been internally conflicted for a while now. It seems her heart is in love but her heard is still cautious about getting hurt. Who can blame her. This morning she things she is ready to tell him how she feels. Up to now, they have both agreed that they are "in serious like" with each other. Now she is ready to take the next step. She is a little unsure of what to tell him and when. She does not think that it will freak him out, but she does not want to put any pressure on him and make things uncomfortable. She also told me that when they had their alone time the other night he was "curling her toes". I asked if she noticed a big difference between him and me sexually. She took the round about to tell me but the answer was yes. He is more into it. I was not surprised by that answer, after all I am gay. While sex with her was always fun, I did sometimes find myself doing things I did not really enjoy, just because I knew she would like it. AJ does not have that hang up since he is straight.
I thought about this for a while. How would most men react to hearing that their wife of 17 years is falling in love with another man? And that sex is better? Not like I am, I'll bet. I think it's great. Yes, there is a little part of me that thinks it's hard to let go, but only a little. I think that it's good for her that she is in love. I think that it's great that AJ is making her happy physically too.
This helps me too. It clears up a lot of the guilt feelings I have about coming out and being true to who I am. Could I have faked my way thought the next 30 years? Sure, but it would have been a lot worse.
Last night, I went back and read some my my posting from a year ago. Most of the things I was worried about, never happened. I guess I should have listened to K back then. I should have listened to T back then. I should have listened to my therapist back then.
This is sounding like a trend.
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