K and I don't argue about too many things, but money is one of them. She thinks I don't give her enough. She is always complains about how broke she is and AJ is always giving her crap about it too. It seems before AJ met K, he had a lot to money in the bank and plenty of disposable income. Now he does not have that and reminds K of it from time to time. She hates that.
AJ makes more money than I do and K is working too. She is about to get a job that will pay even more. K and him have a larger and more expensive house than I do. They needed to get a house that would fit them plus our kids and is daughter. (I guess that's my fault.) She also bought a larger more expensive car. She didn't like the minivan she was driving and she had AJ buy her a much larger truck. She pretended it was so everyone could fit in it, but that is not really the truth. She just liked the new car better. It's kind of he same thing with the house. She could have bought a large house for less, but she wanted a new house so hey paid extra for that. (Which is not my fault.)
You see, K is a spender. She likes to spend money whenever she has it. She has a long list of things she wants and as soon as she has the cash she will get them. Some of the things she wants a big ticket, like cruise vacations. But while saving for that she buys stupid things like candles or soaps that smell nice. When she lived with me, the closet on our bathroom had a huge box of them. She moved that box to the new house and guess what? It's in her closet there and bigger than before.
No matter how much money she has, K will always be broke. She will just adapt her spending to match her income. That is driving AJ crazy, but he's kind of stuck.
So how is that my problem? Generally it's not, but it's time to file taxes for last year. The first year we filed separately we each claimed 2 kids. Last year she complained that she spends more money on the kids and she wanted to claim all 4. I talked her into claiming 3 and I would take one.
This year we did the fight again. Since the kids live with her full time she thinks she deserves it. But I pay a ton of money too. First I give her cash every time I get paid. It is direct deposited into her bank account. Plus I am always spending money on food, doctor visits, clothes and other stuff for the kids. I am not compalining. They are my kids and that's what I am supposed to do. I just want to be able to get some of the tax deduction I am entitled to. She does not see it that way so we had a fight about it.
What a pain in the ass.
In other news, 107 people have looked at my Match.com profile and only 2 people have written to me. The criminal that I talked about in my last post and a music professor. I nearly missed the professor's email. It was almost 2 weeks old by the time I noticed it. He is a little older than me. His profile seemed nice, but he did not post a picture.
So I wrote to him and we exchanged a couple of emails.
Last night he called me and we spoke for about half an hour. (a stark contrast from the criminal who never wanted to talk for more then two or three minutes.) He seemed nice, on the shy side, but not overly so. After a very pleasant conversation, we decided to meet in person. I think he would have met me tonight, but I have other plans tonight. We will meet up later in the week. After we spoke, he did send me a picture. He looks good for his age. He's not a Men's Health cover model, but nether am I.
I am not getting my hopes up, but maybe I will make a new friend. I am glad he did not ask me about my last boyfriend. I didn't want to have to say that I am still in love with him.
Maybe I'll save that for the second date.
3 comments:
Didn't you have a divorce agreement that spells out who gets claim the dependent children? This argument has to happen every year?
Every state has a child support guideline. The number is calculated based on both parties' incomes, and that's what she gets. Like it or not. Usually that's the way it works.
Child support is not a small amount. K is lucky you have a good job and actually pay. Many single mom's get nothing or peanuts.
I would try other sites beside Match. I think there are a huge amount of unpaid members on Match who can't talk to you. Maybe OKCupid?
My son's divorce decree states that he can claim two of their three kids every year (because mommy dearest hasn't worked in ten years and lives on child support and grants she gets for attending junior colleges all over the state). He filed his taxes for 2013 and found out that she's been claiming all three kids for the last five years! So HE gets audited! I'd suggest you file a motion to modify your decree so it's in writing, but it doesn't necessarily mean it'll hold water. Sadly, no matter how well divorced people get along, it somehow always comes down to money that causes the most problems.
Just a thought about you and the professor. I do not pretend to be an expert on gay relationships by any means. However, the pickle you are currently in, with your spouse is a direct result of deception. This is always a difficult argument to make, because, I am sure that you feel like any path that your life would have taken that precludes you having kids, can not have been the right path. So in that sense, your life and its learning curve were meant to be.
That said, in a different life with different choices you might have had the opportunity to parent or mentor children in a circumstance that did not include all of the hardships associated with a divorce and your divorced partner's significant other.
So the complex fall out of co-parenting this way might have been avoided had you been honest about your sexual proclivities from the beginning.
I say all of that to say this.
It sounds like you were being a little cagy about disclosing to this potential new friendship/relationship that you are still in love with your ex. If you were just trying to make light of the situation, then that is one thing.
However, if you seriously are planning on being less than forthcoming about your feelings for T, then I must ask you, how many times you would like life to have to teach you this same lesson? You are living in a precarious position because you opted not to be honest about who you are and where you were at. Now look at how painful it is to navigate being a co-parent, having your children live with another man whom you did not select to be in their lives, paying for the fall out of decisions made by a couple you are not part of, having to negotiate holidays and on and on.
Please listen to the wisdom being demonstrated by your present circumstance and do not repeat history with this or any man. Be honest with this or any man as soon as you have an opportunity.
It is only when you are fully honest that you can be fully accepted. The more you lie or mask the truth the more pain you will find in this or any other relational opportunity.
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