K and AJ are on a cruise this week. They left on Saturday and they will be back next Saturday. That means that I have the kids all week by myself. The kids have a lot of stuff going on this week, which is stressing me out.
I want to go on a cruise, but I have no one to go with. It's too expensive to go alone and I don't think I would have fun alone anyway.
T might go with me...... if he was not working so much. Maybe in a few years when he gets his business sorted out we can take a short one. K and the kids would go with me. While that might be fun, it's not the romantic getaway that I am hoping for.
So, rather than thinking too much about it, I have started to think about the trip to the beach with T and his family. They have booked a house that is not on the beach, but is very close to it. I am very excited. I love the beach. I can walk the beach for hours. I can sit in the sand and listen to the surf for hours. I don't know what the sight seeing plan for the weekend is, but I know at night, I will walk to the beach and listen to the surf. I am hoping T will want to come with me. I would really love it if he did.
I will also get up one morning and be on the beach for sunrise. There is nothing like seeing the sun come up over the ocean. Maybe T will come with me for that too.
I know that T and I will not emerge from this trip boyfriends. As much as my heart wants that, my mind knows that it will not work out. T does too. To have him again would mean I would have to give up some of the most important things that I want out of my gay life. I would have to give up having a real partner. I would have to give up getting married again. I would have to give up sleeping next to the man I love every night.
But for now, I am going to push that all to the side. I am going to look forward to this trip. I am going to treasure the memories that we will build together. I am going to have a good time.
I am going to have my time on the beach with the surf.
