Change of Focus

Hi there and Merry Christmas.  Sorry I have been off the grid for a while, but a lot of things have happened.  Most of them good (or at least healthy) for me.

Over the last few months I have made a few attitude adjustments.  

1.  I have come to realize that, even in my head, I cannot hold on the fantasy of T and I getting together.  I know we will always love each other, and will always be friends, but there will be no long term love connection there.

2.  Because online line dating, with the goal of finding a boyfriend is a frustrating failure, I have shifted my focus.  I am not approaching it with the mindset of making new friends (and maybe some casual sex partners).  Even thought this was only a shift in my head, it seems to help me. 

3. If I had more friends, I would not be so lonely or so worried about having a boyfriend.   If I had friends I could call up and go out for a drink with when I had nothing else to do.

So through October and November I tried to enjoy the "freedom" of being single.  I was getting some hits on my online profiles and I tried to meet as many people in real life as possible.  

I got a hit from one guy I met more than 2 years ago.  I had just recently broken up with T and at that time I was rebounding big time.  We had one date and then never spoke again.  This time it was different.   Let's call him "Norm"  I am calling him that because the couple of gay bars we would hang out in, everybody knew his name.   Norm is a black guy slightly older than me.  He is in reasonably good shape for a man his age and a lot of fun to talk to.  It was fun to go to the gays bars with him because he knew a lot of people and he was able to introduce me to them.

Going to the gay bars with Norm was had it's goods and bads.  The good was that it was fun to meet new people and talk to them.  Because they already knew Norm, they were more likely to talk to me than if I was there alone.  The other things I learned, is that the same people hang out in the gay bars all the time, and I didn't really want to be a part of that.   I was quickly getting bored hanging around the same bars with him, with the same people in the bar night after night.

Norm's a good guy and I will try to remain his friend, but he is definitely not boyfriend material for me.  

Just before Thanksgiving, I got pinged by 3 younger black guys, who all wanted to meet me.  (K asked me what I had against white guys.  I told her nothing.  It''d just that all the people reaching out to me lately were black guys.  And all younger ones.)

I talked online with all 3 of them for a while and I decided I would meet each of them in person.  Just to see what they were really like.

One guy was 31, a little overweight and worked in a big corporate office.  He was nice, but I didn't really feel any spark there.  I might be friends with him, but nothing more.

Guy number 2 was 24, and had just quit his job to go back to school.  He drove a nice car and it seemed his parents were quite well off, so I was sure he was not looking for a sugar daddy.  He was very fem guy, which I always thought I would not like.  He has the most beautiful smile I had ever seen and he was able to hold a conversation well.   In the end, (after 2 dates) I think he decided that I was not the guy for him and he stopped talking to me.

Guy number 3, was 34 and did not have a picture on his profile.  When I asked him for a picture he sent me one that looks like this one below.  This is not Guy number 3's picture, but it is close to what he send me.  Guy number 3's abs are not a ripped as the guy in the picture, but rests is pretty close.  

Well Holy Shit, Yes, I wanted to meet him.   I mean really he has the physical proportions of my dream man.  Let's call him "Cory"

I met him and he was super nice.  He was very smart, with a Master's degree to prove it.  Through his fitted shirt I could see that the guy in the picture was really Cory, and not some stolen picture.  

After some nice conversation and naked romp in my bedroom, I was captivated by him.  Not only because of the stunning physical beauty, but because I really liked talking to him.  It was a fascinating guy and I wanted t get to know him. 

I was brought back to earth when some of the things he told me made me think that he was something of a closet case.  He led me to believe that he was not out to anyone and was looking for a discreet relationship with someone who was not going to talk about it.  

OK, I figured.  This hot god just wants to have sex with me?  OK.  I can do that for a while while I'm looking for a boyfriend.  The sex was good, and I have never had a guy with this kind of a body interested in me before.  I mean, what did I have to lose, right?

More on that in the next post.