Self Inflicted Wound? Maybe.

I have received numerous bits of advice telling me to abandon T over the past 9 months. I have heard it from people who have left comments here. I have heard it from K. I have heard it. I understand all the reasons why it's a good idea.

I do.

I really do.

But I am not going to do it.

If you have been following my blog from the beginning, or have looked back at all, you know about the slow motion, three year divorce I had from K. I took a long time. It was agonizing and painful. I was an emotional mess. However, in the end, it worked out for the best. It worked out better for K. It worked out better for the kids. It worked out better for me.

I have no regrets and I would not do anything differently, despite the pain.

Moreover, I know that K got lots of advice about how she should treat me. One of her best friends (someone I thought was a friend of mine too) told her to hang me out to dry. She told K to get the best redneck lawyer she could afford and string me up. K was told by another friend to kick me out of the house the minute I "decided" to be gay. I did not deserve to live in that house with her and the kids. (Of course she still thought I deserved to pay for it...)

Thank God, K did not listen to those voices whispering.... well shouting. in her ear.



I am not willing to let T go from completely from my life. I am trying to transition what we had (or what I wished for) into what reality is. T is trying to do the same thing.

Am I making this harder on myself than it needs to be? Probably, but I am thinking of the end goal. Years from now I want my partner and me to be able to go to a BBQ at T's house. Maybe he will have a new partner, maybe he won't. Maybe he will still be with his sisters, but we will be friends.

Honestly, I don't understand how anyone who has read this blog and knows how I think, would think I would kick T to the curb after all we have been through.

It's simply not going to happen.