Christmas Miracle? Maybe.

Cory and I got together about 3 times before I was scheduled to leave for a family vacation.  I went on a cruise with the kids, K, AJ, my mother and AJ's daughter and her BF.  (Yeah, 10 of us, but we all had a great time.)  In those times, the sex was better as we got to know each other better.  I also was starting to think I was wrong about him being deep in the closet.

After the cruise he told me he would meet me at the house and spend the night with me. This would be the first time anyone had stayed over since T and I broke up.  

Cory arrived at my house about 10 minutes after I got back from the airport.  I was greeted with a big kiss and a hug from his strong arms.  I could tell he really missed me and he was happy I was home.  It felt good that someone was there to greet me and had missed me while I was gone.

He stayed the night and spent the next day (which was a Sunday) hanging out and watching football.  At one point in the day my daughter came over.  He was very good with her and she seemed to like him.

At this point I am starting think he might just be the real thing.  He might be the person I have been looking for.  Maybe.  Or he might be too good to be true.  I did not want to get ahead of myself.  The Chef seemed to be the real thing for a while too, and that turned into a mess.

Cory is nice to talk to.  He has a deep, but soothing voice.  He also has a lot of his mind.  There is a lot of things he thinks about, but he doesn't really have anyone to talk to.  He says he likes that I listen to him.  Of course I will listen.  That's how you get to know people, right?

A few days after Cory greeted me from the cruise, he was planning to go to his home state for the Christmas holiday to visit his family.  All of his family was there and he had not seen his mom or grandmother in a long time.   Unfortunately, his plans fell through and he was going to be alone on Christmas.   

I invited him to come stay with me for Christmas.  I talked to K and he agreed to have him over to her place for Christmas dinner.  Cory agreed and he came to my house after work on Wednesday.  He packed enough to stay through the weekend.  Until Sunday!!!  I was not expecting that he would stay for 5 days, but I was really excited about it.  

We had a great time together.  We hung out with K and the kids.  We spent a lot of time back at my house alone.  Yes, there was a fair amount of sex, but there was intimacy on other levels too.  We spent a lot of time cuddling on the couch watch movies on TV.  We spent a lot of time naked in bed, talking in the dark about everything.   

It was not all naked cuddling.  We went out to for a meal several times.  We took my kids to see the new Star Wars movie.  My youngest son came over and watched TV with us for a couple of hours.

Little by little.  More and more. I was realizing I was falling in love with Cory.  Even K liked him.  I found out he was feeling the same way.   He told me about other guys he had met recently who did not seem interested to get to know him beyond his muscular body or the size of his penis.  He met some guys who were only interested because they have a fetish for black boys and wanted to get into his pants.  They had no interest in getting to know the man inside.  I was not treating him like a piece of meat, but as a whole person.  He liked that.  

I told him that,  of course I loved his body, I was not just looking for that.  I wanted a friend, a boyfriend, or in the best case, a partner and husband.   I wanted to get to know all of him. His body, yes, but also his heart, mind a soul.    Spending 5 days together, you can learn a lot about a person.  

So is Cory my Christmas miracle?  Maybe he is.  I can't say yet, but at this moment I am very happy.  I can clearly picture him living in my house and being my husband.  I am going to try hard not to push things, but rather go with the flow and enjoy the ride.   It's not easy for me, but I will try hard.  I don't want to screw this up.

Change of Focus

Hi there and Merry Christmas.  Sorry I have been off the grid for a while, but a lot of things have happened.  Most of them good (or at least healthy) for me.

Over the last few months I have made a few attitude adjustments.  

1.  I have come to realize that, even in my head, I cannot hold on the fantasy of T and I getting together.  I know we will always love each other, and will always be friends, but there will be no long term love connection there.

2.  Because online line dating, with the goal of finding a boyfriend is a frustrating failure, I have shifted my focus.  I am not approaching it with the mindset of making new friends (and maybe some casual sex partners).  Even thought this was only a shift in my head, it seems to help me. 

3. If I had more friends, I would not be so lonely or so worried about having a boyfriend.   If I had friends I could call up and go out for a drink with when I had nothing else to do.

So through October and November I tried to enjoy the "freedom" of being single.  I was getting some hits on my online profiles and I tried to meet as many people in real life as possible.  

I got a hit from one guy I met more than 2 years ago.  I had just recently broken up with T and at that time I was rebounding big time.  We had one date and then never spoke again.  This time it was different.   Let's call him "Norm"  I am calling him that because the couple of gay bars we would hang out in, everybody knew his name.   Norm is a black guy slightly older than me.  He is in reasonably good shape for a man his age and a lot of fun to talk to.  It was fun to go to the gays bars with him because he knew a lot of people and he was able to introduce me to them.

Going to the gay bars with Norm was had it's goods and bads.  The good was that it was fun to meet new people and talk to them.  Because they already knew Norm, they were more likely to talk to me than if I was there alone.  The other things I learned, is that the same people hang out in the gay bars all the time, and I didn't really want to be a part of that.   I was quickly getting bored hanging around the same bars with him, with the same people in the bar night after night.

Norm's a good guy and I will try to remain his friend, but he is definitely not boyfriend material for me.  

Just before Thanksgiving, I got pinged by 3 younger black guys, who all wanted to meet me.  (K asked me what I had against white guys.  I told her nothing.  It''d just that all the people reaching out to me lately were black guys.  And all younger ones.)

I talked online with all 3 of them for a while and I decided I would meet each of them in person.  Just to see what they were really like.

One guy was 31, a little overweight and worked in a big corporate office.  He was nice, but I didn't really feel any spark there.  I might be friends with him, but nothing more.

Guy number 2 was 24, and had just quit his job to go back to school.  He drove a nice car and it seemed his parents were quite well off, so I was sure he was not looking for a sugar daddy.  He was very fem guy, which I always thought I would not like.  He has the most beautiful smile I had ever seen and he was able to hold a conversation well.   In the end, (after 2 dates) I think he decided that I was not the guy for him and he stopped talking to me.

Guy number 3, was 34 and did not have a picture on his profile.  When I asked him for a picture he sent me one that looks like this one below.  This is not Guy number 3's picture, but it is close to what he send me.  Guy number 3's abs are not a ripped as the guy in the picture, but rests is pretty close.  

Well Holy Shit, Yes, I wanted to meet him.   I mean really he has the physical proportions of my dream man.  Let's call him "Cory"

I met him and he was super nice.  He was very smart, with a Master's degree to prove it.  Through his fitted shirt I could see that the guy in the picture was really Cory, and not some stolen picture.  

After some nice conversation and naked romp in my bedroom, I was captivated by him.  Not only because of the stunning physical beauty, but because I really liked talking to him.  It was a fascinating guy and I wanted t get to know him. 

I was brought back to earth when some of the things he told me made me think that he was something of a closet case.  He led me to believe that he was not out to anyone and was looking for a discreet relationship with someone who was not going to talk about it.  

OK, I figured.  This hot god just wants to have sex with me?  OK.  I can do that for a while while I'm looking for a boyfriend.  The sex was good, and I have never had a guy with this kind of a body interested in me before.  I mean, what did I have to lose, right?

More on that in the next post.