Circling the drain

I had a pretty good weekend.

We did a lot of family stuff, K the kids and me. We had a good time. I almost forgot I am gay and working toward leaving my marriage. I got a reminder when we took the kids to the county fair. We went to see the demolition derby, (which the kids LOVED!! even my daughter). There were a lot of people there and some of them were good looking guys. I was not staring or anything, I'm too well practiced for that, but I snuck an eyeful when I could. K caught me one time, but said nothing. I think she thought he was good looking too. Anyway it was enough to remind me I am not a straight guy. As much as I love my straight family life, it was another reminder that I am out of place there. That I am just pretending to be normal. It made me a little sad.

K looked at a house today that she could rent. It is smaller than the house we live in now and there would be no room there for me. That made me sad too. When she was telling me about the house she said, "I didn't think you were coming."

It was at that moment I knew I was circling the drain.