Back to normal-ish

K is back from her trip and it was really good to see her. When she sent me a text that she was close the kids were waiting outside for her to come up the street. She got quite a welcome and I think it made her feel good.

I don't this her trip went as well as she hoped, but I don't know the details. I'm sure she will fill me in tonight.

Last year she made this trip and it did not go as well as she hoped. At that time I was still very confused about who I am and I was terrified of the change involved in leaving my marriage. When she came back I begged her to give me another chance to be a good husband. A straight husband. At the time I figured I had done the straight thing for 15 years, I figured I could just keeping doing it.

Right. How hard could it be? After all she is my best friend, and always has been. I like being with her. I love my kids and I love being their dad. I figured I could deal with my "urges" with internet porn and my right hand.

The problems was I had been working my way out of the closet and even had a boyfriend, so it was not long before it was not working for either of us. She was not getting the love and affection she wanted and I still was thinking about being with a man. To make matters worse she knew I was thinking about men and that made it worse for her.

That is not happening this time. I have not gotten straighter and she has not forgotten I'm gay.