How do you separate?

This is August and this month K and I will "celebrate" 16 years of marriage (we have known each other ), many of them happy. I have spent most of that time trying hard to be a good husband and do my best to make K and the kids happy or at least comfortable. Without going into detail we have faced some things in our marriage that the average couple does not have to deal with. (No, I am not talking about her homo husband... other problems). We have always faced these challenges together. I'm trying to do that now, but may not be able to.

I had been going to to a therapist for a while ( I have since stopped) but one of the things that she told me (over and over) is I am not responsible for K's happiness. I am only responsible for my own. K herself has told me that I am only responsible for my own and not hers of anyone else. I suppose that was true even when we thought we would be together forever, but I feels like a responsibility I can't let go of.

"I can't be happy if I know she is miserable". This is what I have told both K and the therapist. They both roll their eyes and tell me I can't live that way. The problem I have lived that way. For a long time and I'm not sure how to disengage. Disengaging means change and we have already been over how much I like that.

But how do I do it? There are lot's of blogs where the man really does not seem to care if his ex is happy or not. There are some that care but the ex is so pissed it's impossible for them to show they care or have any impact. It is very important to me that K and I remain close and best, BEST friends. She is my soulmate and while I am in love with T and I can very easily see spending my life with him, I don't think he is my soul mate. K thinks it sounds crazy that a gay man's soulmate would be a woman. I suppose it does sound a little crazy to others.

If I can figure out this, I would be all set.