T and I have not seen very much of each other in the past month. Once. Maybe twice. We text a few times a day and we speak on the phone only about every third or fourth day. It's too painful for me to talk to him sometimes.
He tries to talk to me about things like nothing is wrong. I know that he missed me too and is putting on a brave face. I am not as good at putting on the brave face. I end most of the conversations upset. Sometimes with tears.
We have talked about the posibility of going back to the way thing were. I asked T what would happen if his mother objected? Would he abadon me or would he stand up for us. Would he tell his mom that we were a couple and this is what he wanted?
He then reminded me that we were going around in the same circle.
And he was right.
sigh
I guess I need to find a way to accept him as my friend and move on.
-------------------------------------------------
Last night I went to visit an old friend. Years ago I wrote about him. He was a guy who lived across the street from me. He came out and had an ugly divorce from his wife. After years of making poor and risky decisions, he now has a really good partner and a solid relationship. He has exactly the kind of a relationship that I want for myself. No, it is not perfect. I can see there are flaws. However, they deal with them together. Exactly the way these types of relationships should work. No one should have to deal with anything alone.
I hung out with them for several hours. We talked a lot, mostly about normal stuff. Kids. Home improvement. Very little about my relationship with T or theirs.
I did get to meet one of their moms. She lives in the house next door. She was very nice. Clearly she was accepting of her son AND his partner. There was no second thoughts. There was no reservations. It was just as natural as can be.
That's just what I need.
Maybe I will get lucky.
