Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Busy .... With Love

Yesterday while most people were taking the day off, I was in the office. My company was open of business. I could have taken the day off, but since my K's parents are in town, what better day to be out of the house. By the time I get home from work today, they will be halfway home.

I got out of work a little early and took my older boys to see "Fast Five". The movie, set in Rio, had two Asian characters.

One played my the sexy and suave Korean, Sung Kang...

... And the other by the heavily muscled Fernando Chien, who spent most of his scenes in an UnderArmor shirt that was several sizes too small.

While the action on the screen was interesting, my mind was a thousand miles away and 35,000 feet up. T was on a flight back from his trip. He would land in a little over 3 hours.

After the movie, I drive to the airport to meet him. He did not need a ride and he did not know I was coming, I just had to see him because I missed him so much. I got a little crap from K on my way out the door, but I left in time to get to the airport baggage claim just before he came down the stairs

He was surprised to see me and the look on his face when he realized it was actually me who came to meet him was worth the drive. We took his bags and I drove him home, hand in hand. His sisters got their car and followed some time after. I could not stay long at his house, just long enough for a good night kiss under the stars.

You can keep your Asian musclemen. I have the man I'm looking for.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Alone in the House... or Maybe Not.

Right now, T is on his way home. As I type this, he is on the first leg of his trip and will land in our city just after 8:30pm. I am very excited he will be home. Not that I am going to see him tonight.

The visit with K's parents is going ok and is almost over. They leave tomorrow morning after the kids go back to school. So far it has been pretty benign from my point of view, except for the fact I have not been able to sleep in my bed. On the other hand, K's mom is a really good cook and she made the most wonderful stuffed clams yesterday.

Last night, K's mom took my kids to the movies. I chose to stay home and let her have the time with the kids. I was there alone (with the dog) for something like 3 hours. I was pretending I was living there alone. In fact I have been thinking about that a lot lately.

It seems that K and AJ are close to finding a house that will work. They have 2 they like. One is very close to the house we live in now. So close, in fact, the kids will all stay in the same schools. K likes this idea and she likes the house too. The other option is a house is an easy 15 or 20 min drive from my house. AJ likes this house much better. The kids would have to change schools.

K and I were talking on the phone the other day, telling me about the houses. Then I asked a question she had not anticipated: "If you get the house further away, what if oldest son (who is finishing his freshman year of HS) does not want to change schools and asks to continue to live with me?".


A first she insisted that was not an option. After thinking about it, I think she realized that he is old enough to make that choice for himself. Not that I will offer that option, but if he asks, I don't think I can reject him out of hand.

Over the past few days she has been thinking about the closer house even though AJ may not like it as much.

Putting that drama to the side, I seems that her and AJ will move on they house selection pretty quickly. I have been thinking about how my life will be when I'm in the house alone. I will be able to retake the master bedroom, for one thing.

I may see about taking in a roommate. If i can get someone to pay half the mortgage, that would be pretty cool. Or maybe I'll sell the house and buy a condo. Or rent an apartment so I can be ready to go when T asks me to move in with him.

Hey! A guy can dream...

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Half-Way Through

As Saturday comes to a close, the day was not too bad.

T took off for his trip this afternoon.  I looked up his flight on a flight tracker website to follow his progress in the air.  I think it made me feel closer to him as we is traveling far from me.  

When he landed in Phoenix for a layover, he called me.  I was outside having a campfire with my kids, but I was really glad to hear from him.  It will be really late here when he finally makes it to California, and I made him promise to let me know when he was safe on the ground.

Spending the day with K's parents was not so bad.  They made dinner for not only us, but for AJ, his daughter and her boyfriend.  It was ok, even if it was pretty crowded around my table.

Tonight I am sleeping on the couch as K's dad is sleeping in my bed.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

A Hell of a Weekend

Starting last night, this weekend is going to be crazy, busy, and a little sad.

T is going to his nephew's wedding in California with his sisters this weekend.  He is leaving this afternoon after work and will return on Monday.  Since he will be gone for the holiday weekend, I went to see him last night.  I went to dinner with his sisters, bother and young nephew.  The too me to Dim Sum and orders a shit load of food.  I could not believe there was so much.

We had a really nice dinner and then I was able to have a little time with him at the house before it was time for me to go home.  I will miss him while he is gone, but there is something else to distract my attention at home.

K's parents are here for the weekend.  They arrived yesterday, but because I went to see T directly after work, I did not see them until this morning.  

Last night K had dinner with her parents along with AJ and his daughter.  While I was at dinner with T, I got a text from K that AJ was getting "grilled" by K's mom.  I'm sure THAT was a lot of fun for him.

This morning when I get up I asked K how the night was.  When her mom got there she asked, 'So, Jim doesn't live here anymore?"  just because I was out for the evening.  She said that in front of my kids too.  Oh, yeah... she's a real piece of work...

Once I came down stairs there were as nice as can be to me, just like she has been for the past 20 years.  Her dad is not a crazy and is always nice.

Today we will all hang out as an extended family.  While I'm sure there will be a little awkwardness, it will be OK.

Tomorrow, K, her dad, AJ, and my middle son are all going to the big NASCAR race.  That means I will be home with the other kids and K's mother.  Since she seems the think I am an absentee father, maybe I will take off for the day and let her bond with the little kids and my oldest son for a while.  I'm not sure what I would do for he day, but maybe going to the gym and then hanging out in a bookstore for a few hours would be fun.

I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

New Friend?

A while back I told you that I joined a couple of groups at MeetUp.com. I joined a specifically gay group and a group that is gay friendly. The gay group is not really very active. Last week I was contacted directly (via email) by one of the other members of the group. This guy (let's call him Steve) wrote to me asking if I wanted to help him get some events going on the gay group.

His email was kind of out of the blue, but he had a profile on MeetUp that I looked over. He picture looked friendly and he looked to be a little older than me. It also indicated he has moved here from the Northeast with his partner or over 10 years. Just the kind of person I was hoping to meet.

I arranged to meet him for lunch today. I met him at a local hot dog joint (no, "hot dog" is not a euphemism for anything) and he was right on time. For having met for the first time he was extremely friendly and outgoing. If I had to guess, I would say he was in his early 50's.

We ordered food and I gave him the very short version of my story and I got his. He has lived here about 3 or 4 years and seems to have build up a huge network of friends. He and his partner entertain a lot and they often have friends over to their house.

He also knows about many of the gay goings on in the area and he was willing to connect me with some of these groups. Wow! This was unexpected!!! In fact, he invited me to a gathering at his house tonight. Apparently his partner's birthday is this weekend, but Steven will be out of state visiting family, so they are having the party tonight. I won't be able to go but I thanked him for the invite and asked that he think of me for the next time.

This week seems to be full of interesting developments.

More Talk

Last night after work I hit the gym before going home. When I got there I found K making a meal of grilled steak & and chicken, corn on the cob,and a salad made with lettuce she grew in the garden. My first thought? AJ must be coming for dinner.

Of course, I was right. He did not get there right away and K and I talked about some houses she looked at. There was one with rooms for all the kids and a full in-law apartment in the basement. I looked at her with a big smile.

"What?" she asked, thinking this would be perfect for everyone.

I laughed. There was no way in hell that AJ was going to go back to the plan of me living in the basement now that we have all agreed, however briefly, that I would live elsewhere. I went on to say I was sure that AJ was relieved he got both K and I on board with that.

"I don't know. I could probably convince him." she said.

I told her not to bother. I also expressed concern that he might not like me hanging around there everyday either, after a while. Then as we talked about it, I would not be there every day really.

At least 2 days a week I will go see T.
In the fall, I will start a bowling league that is one day a week.
Hopefully I will make some friends and that could take another night.

So now we were talking about 3 or 4 days when I might be doing something other than hanging out with K and AJ. But all that said, she did confirm that as long as my kids are there, I could be there as much as I want to be.

Monday, May 23, 2011

New Beginning?

Now that I know I will be on my own, I have been giving some thought to what that will look like. So far, I am not thrilled with what I see.

K and I talked some last night about it right after I out my daughter to bed. Almost every day of her life I have tucked her into bed and gotten my hugs and kisses. "Good night, Bean" I tell her every night as I close her door.

Every morning before I leave. For work I open her door. "Good morning, Bean" I shout into her room. Sometimes I get sleepy moaning from under her covers. If I am lucky, I get a sunny, "Good morning, Daddy"

My sons are older and I no longer have this type of ritual with them, but I did when they were younger. I will miss that a lot.

Now the current proposal, calls for me to live in the house I have now, but I would have unrestricted access to K & AJ's house (when they buy one) as long as my kids are there. They have even offered to let me be there for dinner with the kids every night. A generous offer I think.

I think it is a good balance. It will reassure me and the kids that we will have the minimum separation possible and it will allow both K and I our own space to let our new situations develop. She will have a home that is just hers. I will spend as much time as I want (or the kids want) together with the kids while still having the space to develop my own life.

Is this a good compromise? Will AJ be OK with me there a lot? Do I give a shit if AJ is ok? Is this the new beginning I have been waiting for? I am so used to being part of a unit, how will I be able to make the transition from partner to lone ranger?

Stay tuned, I guess.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Change of Plan

Deep down I knew this was going to happen sooner or later, so I was not surprised when K brought it up. 

K and AJ have been looking at houses, most recently houses that are very close to the house  we all live in now.  Yesterday, she called me after she saw one of these houses.  She told me the number of bedrooms and some quick math told me there was no room for me.

If you need a refresher, K and I have been thinking of a way that we can all live together with the kids.  By together we were talking about a variety of scenarios, including an in-law apartment or maybe a small house on the same property.  

"AJ and I were talking about it and he was thinking that if you were living so close to us, we (meaning her and AJ) might might not develop 'us'"  she told me.  I got the impression that this was a conversation that she had a long time ago with him, but was not sure how to bring it up to me.

Of course, she is right.  What's more, T told me months ago he did not think what we were planning was really a good idea.  While the idea is scary for me, I think it will be the best for me too.  As I think about it, I have been distracted with finding my place in the world.  Having more time on my own is sure to help me with that.  Right?

We have a lot of details to work out, but I am starting to have some peace around it.

Maybe, just maybe, my boyfriend will come and lay on the couch with me.  

I'll save a spot for him.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Back in the Sunlight

I need to see the sun from time to time.  If I don't, I get cranky.  If we have severals overcast days in a row, it has a observable effect on my mood.  I think not seeing T on a regular basis has the same effect.  When both of those things happen at the same time, there is a lot of bad ju ju.

Yesterday, the sun came out and I got to see T.  I felt like I was coming out of a fog.  Everything about the day was better.

The other day I wrote about the price I was having to pay.  The cost being authentic, of being myself.  The cost of leaving my safe and secure marriage to find my own place in the world.  The place where I truly belong, as opposed to the place I picked while I was pretending to be someone else.

But the truth is, while there are some bad days mixed in with my good days, they are mostly good days.  Even when I was feeling sad and lonely I knew that I was not going back into the closet and pretend to be someone I'm not. 

There was not one time in the past few days that I wished I had stayed in the closet.  There was not one time when I wished that K and I were working on "reconciliation"  

I am still convinced I am on the right path.  She is too.

I am gay.  She is straight.  I did not leave the marriage to selfishly pursue some homo paradise.  We left the marriage because a gay man (this gay man anyway) was not "in love" with a straight woman the way a straight man can.  Because I love her so much, I want her to have the love that she deserves and needs.  What's more, because she was not getting it from me she too was miserable.

Now, in T, I have found the love that eluded me for so long.

Now, in AJ, she has found the love she thought she had in me, but was actually missing for so long

While the transition has been difficult, and there are still some stressful days, I am on the right path.   Now that the sun is out and I have had some time in the arms of my man, I am feeling a lot better.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

My Evening Companion

I am a political junkie.  My views are generally center left (VERY left on social issues) and I like most of the personalities on MSNBC.  

Most days I come home from work and follow a similar routine.  I change out of my work clothes and put on shorts and a t shirt.  Then I usually make dinner for the kids.  Occasionally, K will have made something for the kids and I dish it out.  She rarely eats with us.

Then the kids play, do homework or play Xbox or Wii.  About 7:30 I start getting them into baths or showers ahead of bed time.  Usually K is not home and I am doing bedtime on my own.  Most of the kids are old enough to take care of themselves, but my daughter still needs her daddy.

Most evenings, after the kids are in bed, I curl up on the couch alone, with my BlackBerry PlayBook, a diet Pepsi, and Chris Matthews.

The Price

"There is a price for everything."  That's what K told me a long time ago.  What she meant was that if I decide to leave my marriage, there is a cost for that.  There was a cost for staying too.

This week I feel like I am paying some of that cost.  

I have done really 2 things this week.  Work and take care of the kids by myself.  I guess I am not cut out to be a single parent.   

Tonight AJ is back and after working, K will be going to spend the night with him.  Because of her work she would be back too late for me to go anywhere, so she might as well go stay with him tonight.  Why should both of us be lonely and miserable.

I have not seen T since Saturday, and then it was only for a couple of hours.  I miss him very much.

I wish he could have come to see me this week, but I know he has a lot of stuff going on.  There is also the matter of my kids.  It is not like we could snuggle on the couch at my house, since I am not out to my kids.  Even if I was, chasing them around is not really a lead in for romance.

I feel lonely and I don't see a way to fix it right now.  It's easy for me to say that I am lonely because T is too busy and wrapped up in his family that he can;t make time for me.  While that is partly true, it is not really his fault.  

Thinking about my schedule this past week, what would I have said if he was more demanding on my time?  What if he asked me to go out?  What if he wanted to come over? What if he wanted some alone time?

Well, he could have come over (which would not have been very fun), but other than that, I would have had to tell him I could not go.  If I take a long (and realistic) look at it, I want him to be more available to me, but I am not any more available than he is.  In fact, I might be less available than he is.  He really is perfect for me.

But I am still lonely.  I still feel isolated.  I still feel sad.

Even if I had a lot of friends, when would I see them.  When would we hang out?

I'm having a hard time finding a way to fix my problem.  A hard time seeing a way out.

Maybe this is the price K was talking about.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Feeling Like a Prisoner

Shortly after K and I had kids I made a comment when she was going somewhere that I would be happy to babysit the kids.  She did not think that was funny at all.  She then reminded me that was I was doing was not babysitting, but something called PARENTING!!

I never made that mistake again.

Tonight I am home alone with the kids.  Fourth night in a row.  I love being with my kids, but right about now I feel like I am being held prisoner in my house.  I can't go anywhere really, and once the kids go to bed I can't even go for a walk.  I would not want anyone of them to come downstairs and not know where I am.

I am trying to be understanding, I know that she promised to look after AJ's daughter, but really.  I did not promise to look after AJ's daughter and my kids did not agree to give up there mother every night this week.  Grrrrr.

There is a part of me that thinks I should be pissed about this.  I mean, I am not her servant and she has responsibilities here.  On the other hand, there is another that thinks that I should continue to be understanding of her.  I am the one that came out of the closet and spoiled her "perfect" life (on the surface anyway).  Also there is the fact that she is extremely understanding and accepting of me and the gay thing.  Many wives simply kick out gay husbands and cut them off from the family.

My sister thinks K is using my guilt to get me to do what she wants.

I don't think so.  My sister's theory requires a belief that K is somehow being devious and manipulating.  I don't think that is the case.  I think it is more benign than that, but equally disturbing.

I think she takes me for granted.   

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Alone... More Than Usual

I am alone in my house tonight.  Well, the kids are here, but there are no other adults... for the third night in a row.

Of course, I feel alone because T is not here with me (or me with him), but tonight I am feeling more like a single parent than ever.  K is gone again to AJ's house for the night.  Now it's not like it's fun and games for her.  AJ is traveling on business (in Utah I think) and K is there so his daughter will not be alone.  

About 2 months ago AJ got a new job that paid a lot more than his old job, but the catch is he would have to travel 2 weeks a month.  During those trips, K agreed to look after his daughter (who is 15).  I knew that might be a little inconvenient for me, but I did not think it would be this bad.  This is his first trip!!!!

Am I going to be a single parent every time he goes away?  I am all for him having a job that pays more, in the end it will only help her (which in turn will help me), but Jesum Christmas!!

It's not like her and I hang out that much in the evening.  We do sometimes, but usually she does her thing and I do my thing.  Actually, most Tuesday's nights, I usually drive to T's house.  Not tonight.  I also don't really like the idea of being the only adult with 4 kids, one of who has an unpredictable (not life threatening) medical condition. 

At least she is back early.  Generally around 7:00 when is plenty of time to get the little kids ready for school.


Monday, May 16, 2011

Listening to the Rain

I am sitting on my bed with the window open.  It's raining outside.  I love listening to the rain outside the window.  I love listening to the rain hitting on the roof of my house.  If there is thunder, I love it even more.

Tonight it is raining hard, but there is no thunder.

At T's house there is a patio swing.  I helped him put it together several weeks ago.  It's one of those love seat type swings with a steel tubing frame.  He keeps it on the patio just outside his walk-out basement that is covered by a deck above.  

I cant stop thinking about being with him on the swing... listening to the rain... rocking gently... holding hands.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Off The Deep End

So, now I have to pay the price.  Not only did I go out, preventing K from visiting AJ last night, he did not come to our house to see her.  By the time I got up in the morning  (and I did not sleep well at all) she was more stressed out than usual for a Sunday morning.

But you know what?  I'm not sorry I went and if I had to do it over again, I would.

Generally these things blow over fairly quickly, let's hope tonight is one of those days.

Melting Away

If you tell anyone I said this I will deny it, but K does not handle stress very well.  There... I said it.  And when she gets stressed out, she is miserable to be around.  It becomes miserable for everyone.  What's the line from that song?  "If mama's not happy, ain't no one happy" or something like that.  (I wonder if AJ has experienced that side of K yet)

Today was one of those days.  Today was stressful for her and to make is worse for her, AJ is leaving tomorrow afternoon for a 4 or 5 day business trip.  So if she does not see him tonight, she will have to wait until Thursday or Friday.  But I am going out to see T tonight, so that really put a damper on her plans.

I don't really feel that bad, because last night she had a sleep over at AJ's house.  I sure as shit was not going to give up my night with T.

Anyway, having been raised Chatholic, I know all there is to know about guilt.  So does K.  She was laying it on as thick as she could.  Then when I made the offer to stay home, she said, "No.  You just go.  I'm cleaning house now."   Grrrrr.

So I left.  I grabbed some crappy fast-food for dinner and I headed to T's house.  Once I got there, we went downstairs into his den, but on the TV and I melted into him like he was a well worn pair of Levi's.  I could feel all the stress melting away.  I could feel myself relax.

There is just something about being with him that puts me at ease.  I can't explain it, but it is there and I am soooooo glad it is.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Jim and the Lonely Campfire

Last night I was home alone.  After I get the kids to bed, I went out into the back yard and started a campfire.  There is something about watching a fire in the dark and hearing the wood crackle is soothing to me. 

When ever possible, campfires are best shared but last night I waiting until the kids when to bed so I could have this one alone.  I think I was fishing for attention so I sent T this picture and told him it was a lonely fire.

He told me to "Stop complaining and be happy with what you have.  Remember how much you wishes to get to this point before?"

Of course he was right.  I called him and we talked for a while.  Sometimes we talk about the blogs I have on my reading list.  He reads them too and we will discuss what people ave written and the associated comments.  He reminded me that there are plenty of guys in a lot worse shape than me.  So rather than bitching about by lonely campfire I should be glad I am still living at home and not in a bug infested hotel on the bad side of town.

When we finished talked, I quietly watch the fire.  I read some web sites on my Blackberry while listening to the crackling fire.

I felt a lot more at ease.  In fact, I even dozed off in my chair. 

Tonight I am going to see T and I know I will feel even better.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Nice Guy...But Not a Pushover...

So the weekend is here.  It is a time when I can see T and we can spend more time together.  

I was planning to go out tonight and meet up with T.   Friday night is no ideal for him because he works on Saturday, but there is an event at the Church where K works that the kids and I have to be there to help her with.

So I was going to give up my Saturday night, but it was the right things to do for my family.  I would see him on Friday and that would be better than nothing.  So I told K that's what I was going to do.

That did not go over well.  Not that I am going out, but she would not be able to.  Because of her church job she would not be able to see AJ on Saturday.  On Sunday he is leaving on a business trip for 5 days so this is really the last opportunity she would have to see him for a while.


I let T know and like a good man he was understand, but disappointed.

Then I was thinking today.  I was thinking that once the church event is over I am going to see T.  I know it will be late and I won't be able to stay that long, but I am going to go anyway.  I want to taste his kisses.  

So I let K know that I would take my car to church and then I would leave directly from there.  

"Oh." she says.  "I guess that does not work out too well for me."

Apparently AJ's daughter will be gone and AJ will be home alone and she wanted to go for some "private time". 

Yep, that won't work too well for her.  I told her that I am going and she should enjoy her time with AJ tonight because I am going out tomorrow.  She took her pillow with her.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The Beginning of the End

Today, I did it.

Today, I made the call to start the beginning of the end.

Today, I called a lawyer about filing divorce papers.

I know what some if you are thinking:

"What? You have not done that already?"

"What the hell took you so long?"

"I thought you were already divorced?"

The truth is, while it was long over due, I have been putting it off for a long time. It is something that is really just a formality at this point, but I am a little stressed out by it anyway. I guess it represents the final point of no return on my old life. It is the final separation of 2 people who have been together through all kinds of stuff for almost 20 years.

 On one level it is a final reminder of a huge failure in my life that I am still recovering from. Yet, on another level, it represents a freedom and a new future. Who knows what is in store for me?

 I know to some, that thought is exhilarating. The wide open possibilities of the world. The openness of life and the ability to take control of ones own destiny.

 To me it is terrifying. I need stability. The thought of being truly on my own is just terrifying. Even though I was unhappy in the closet, there was a comforting stability of being in there. I knew that as long as I was there, K would be there for me. I knew none of my friends would abandon me. In fact I was pretty happy just tagging on with K's friends. (As a side note: It must be just like the comforting stability that keeps T's sister in her closet)

 I am trying to stay calm about this. It's not easy.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Family Dinner

Last night I was at T's house for dinner.  It was awesome on several levels.

First the food was incredible.  

It started with an appetizer made with the tiniest baby clams I have ever seen.  Add in some curry, some kind of small nut (soy nuts I think), a leafy herb and served with rice cracker.  It looked something like this.

I LOVED this.  I actually could not stop eating it.  Luck for me, his mom made a lot of us.  After the 5th bowl of clams (small bowls) I figured I'd better stop, because there was a second course. 

Next with spring rolls like the ones in the first picture.  Fresh cooked shrimp & beef, noodles, herbs, apples, with some fish sauce for dipping.  I did pretty good rolling all the ingredients into a roll (just like a burrito) and that was really good too. (Not as good as the clams though.)  I ate 3 of them and thought I was going to explode.

There is one other thing.  Chanh muối (salty lemonade).  I know, it sounds gross, but his mom makes it and I just can't get enough.  I was over at his house on Thursday too and his mom made a point to tell me that she was making it for the next night.  She probably would have made it whether I was coming or not, but for her to point it out to me, shows she remembered I like it and was thinking about me.  

So the food was great, but that was not the best part of the evening.  While I have always felt welcome there, today I felt more like part of the family.  Maybe it was because they put me to work, setting up the dinner.  Because there were more people than usual, dinner was at a larger table down stairs.  I was busy carrying bowls and plates up and down the stairs.

T's brother has a son about 5 years old.  When I come he wants to play to play with me.  Today was more that usual.  

There was a lot more conversation in English than usual and I was able to feel more included.  I'm not sure exactly what it was, but I really did feel more included and accepted than ever before.

It was a perfect family dinner.  The only part that was not wonderful, was when I had to leave a drive back to my house.  But even then, I did it was warmth in my heart.

Remember When My Boyfriend...?

This morning K had to leave early for an appointment.  I walked outside with her.  The weather was perfect, sunny, with just a little coolness in the air.  One the way out to her car I noticed the flowers in front of my house.  (pictured above)  She remarked how pretty they looked.  I reminded her that it was T who helped us pick the out and plant them 3 years ago.  "Remember when my boyfriend helped us put these in?" I asked her.

Three years ago we were all in a much different place.  Now, I am able to openly talk about my boyfriend with my best friend.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

A Taste of the Gay Cesspool

I think the Craigslist personal section is generally a swirling cesspool of homo debauchery.  I read through them sometimes, just for the fun of it.  I'm not sure why exactly.  Even if i was not with T, I would not respond to the guy who's wife was out for 2 hours and wants a quickie blow job.  

There is another section that I read sometimes more closely.  The "Strictly Platonic" section.  I figured there might be other gay guys like me there looking for friends.  There usually is not much that interests me, but I have written to 2 or 3 guys.  I am always up front about my basic history.  


Coming out after being married... with kids

Going through a friendly divorce

Result?  Not one has written back to me... until today.  As I was scanning the other day, I saw one that caught my eye

"Coming out late in life, 50 (my town)"

I opened it.  This was a guy who claimed he was looking for friends.  He said he was not looking for romantic relationships, as he had recently had some poor ones.  I wrote to him.  I like with the others I told him the quick version of my story.  I told him I also was not looking for a romantic relationship since I already had one that was going pretty well.

After a few days I figured he would not respond, but he did.  I opened the email he sent me and quickly wished he had not bothered to wrote back.  Here is what he wrote:

"Stats?  Send pic to get mine."

That's it?  Really?  I suddenly felt dirty.  If he is interested in meeting people and making friends, why does he need my stats?  And what stats did he want?  If he wanted to know how big my cock is, why did he not just ask?  Honestly, I was not expecting him to tell me his whole life story in the first email, but I was hoping for a little more.

I guess even the platonic section of Craigslist is a cesspool.

Sunday, May 1, 2011


Last night T and I spent most of the afternoon and evening together.

We went shopping for plants for his garden.  We drove to a private place for private time (wink, wink).  We drove to another store to look at more plants.  We went back to his house expecting to have dinner there, but his family (thinking that we eaten out) had already finished dinner.  We headed out to have a nice quiet diner just to two of us.  

Since it was about 6:30 on a Saturday, there were lots of people out and the places we thought about stopping were pretty packed.  Even the chain restaurants were filled up.

As were were waiting at at Chili's, we looked at each other and at the same time, we decided that the McDonald's next door was sounding pretty good.  So we went.

I am not one that needs, or even likes to have dinner in someplace too fancy. (Any where I can't wear shorts is too fancy for me.)  I do, however, like to sit down and order from a menu and wait for the food to be prepared...after I order it.  But last night there was something about being at McDonald's with him that made it special.  I liked to watch T line up the sauce containers and methodically dip each nugget in all 3 before eating it.  I really do take delight in the simplest things.

After dinner we went back to his house, chose a movie from his sister's collection, (Clash of the Titians (remake)) and hung out on his couch.  It was very nice to just be with him.