Now that I know I will be on my own, I have been giving some thought to what that will look like. So far, I am not thrilled with what I see.
K and I talked some last night about it right after I out my daughter to bed. Almost every day of her life I have tucked her into bed and gotten my hugs and kisses. "Good night, Bean" I tell her every night as I close her door.
Every morning before I leave. For work I open her door. "Good morning, Bean" I shout into her room. Sometimes I get sleepy moaning from under her covers. If I am lucky, I get a sunny, "Good morning, Daddy"
My sons are older and I no longer have this type of ritual with them, but I did when they were younger. I will miss that a lot.
Now the current proposal, calls for me to live in the house I have now, but I would have unrestricted access to K & AJ's house (when they buy one) as long as my kids are there. They have even offered to let me be there for dinner with the kids every night. A generous offer I think.
I think it is a good balance. It will reassure me and the kids that we will have the minimum separation possible and it will allow both K and I our own space to let our new situations develop. She will have a home that is just hers. I will spend as much time as I want (or the kids want) together with the kids while still having the space to develop my own life.
Is this a good compromise? Will AJ be OK with me there a lot? Do I give a shit if AJ is ok? Is this the new beginning I have been waiting for? I am so used to being part of a unit, how will I be able to make the transition from partner to lone ranger?
I am gay man in his 40's who was married for 18 years to a straight woman, who is still my very best friend. We have 4 children together. She is now remarried and we still want to be supportive of each other and make a stable family for our kids.
Cast of Characters
Jim: That's me
K: The wonderful woman I married in 1993. We divorced in November 2011, and she is still my best friend.
T: My ex-boyfriend. We were together from 2008 to 2013. He is still an important person in my life.
AJ: K's new husband. They got married December 2011.
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