Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Feeling Like a Prisoner

Shortly after K and I had kids I made a comment when she was going somewhere that I would be happy to babysit the kids.  She did not think that was funny at all.  She then reminded me that was I was doing was not babysitting, but something called PARENTING!!

I never made that mistake again.

Tonight I am home alone with the kids.  Fourth night in a row.  I love being with my kids, but right about now I feel like I am being held prisoner in my house.  I can't go anywhere really, and once the kids go to bed I can't even go for a walk.  I would not want anyone of them to come downstairs and not know where I am.

I am trying to be understanding, I know that she promised to look after AJ's daughter, but really.  I did not promise to look after AJ's daughter and my kids did not agree to give up there mother every night this week.  Grrrrr.

There is a part of me that thinks I should be pissed about this.  I mean, I am not her servant and she has responsibilities here.  On the other hand, there is another that thinks that I should continue to be understanding of her.  I am the one that came out of the closet and spoiled her "perfect" life (on the surface anyway).  Also there is the fact that she is extremely understanding and accepting of me and the gay thing.  Many wives simply kick out gay husbands and cut them off from the family.

My sister thinks K is using my guilt to get me to do what she wants.

I don't think so.  My sister's theory requires a belief that K is somehow being devious and manipulating.  I don't think that is the case.  I think it is more benign than that, but equally disturbing.

I think she takes me for granted.   


T said...

I think K is stuck this week. Choose to be understanding this time. It's a blessing that you can spend time with your kids. If you don't have time to walk this week, walk double next week. This week, you have me to look good for you...LOL <3

Buddy Bear said...

Forget about the guilt. As T said, put up with it for this week, but you should not be expected to solve AJ's babysitting problems on a permanent basis.

AJ and K have lots of other options: maybe the daughter can have a sleep-over with K at your house, freeing you up a bit?

Jim said...

I have a friend who tells me pretty regularly that "Guilt is a wasted emotion. If you didn't do (not do) anything that would cause the guilt there is no reason to feel guilty. If you did, then guilt usually paralyzes and moves the focus off what you should change so you do it better next time."

Biki said...

I think it's time for you and K to sit down and talk about what is expected in the way of parenting, and nights home. I understand you feeling as though she is taking you for granted, because I feel she is.

It seems as though she is moving on, and away from her own children, for AJ's child. Is this what she really wants? She needs to look into the future and realize that if she doesnt change her behavior she will have lost the affection of her kids.

Surely there is a way to bring this up to her, with out starting a bloody battle. Maybe you could start keeping a log on the calendar showing the time she is not spending with her kids. This might shock her into seeing the error of her ways.

And of course the offshoot of this would be, more free time for you!