Losing My Inspiration

About a year ago they built a house across the street from K. When it was finished, some people moved in. It turned out to be a gay couple, I'll call Steve and Jerry. Steve and Jerry had been together for a number of years. They were moving here because Steve got transfered by his job. Living with them was Jerry's 10 year old son.

These guys had exactly the kind of relationship that I wanted. Real partners who lived their lives together as one family unit. There were open with all the neighbors about who they were and quickly accepted into the community like any other family.

It really was inspirational for me. I could see what I wanted was possible because these guys were living it.

Last week I was disappointed to learn that Jerry had moved out of the house. I was really sad to hear that. It was especially sad because my daughter and Jerry's son had become good friends.

I know all relationships can go sour. I know not everything is flowers and rainbows. I don't know specifically why Steve and Jerry split, but it was disapointing anyway.

I've heard they are trying to work out whatever it is that's bothering them. I hope they do.

Falling For The Chef

It's been about three weeks since I started seeing the Chef. The more I get to know him the more I like him. I have seen him to be romantic and attentive. Even though we have not said to each other that we are "Mr. Right" (and it's too soon for that), we have talked about the hypothetical partner we both want. He not only wants a partner, he wants a husband. He definitely wants to get married. (Maybe to me?)

Friday and Saturday are his days off from work. He usually reserves Friday for things he wants to do and he reserves Saturday for his mother. He takes her where she needs to go and to do things she wants to do.

This Saturday morning I was laying bed after a mostly sleepless night reading a book on my Kindle. Chef and I had brief text message exchange.

Me: I am thinking about the next time I get to see you.

Chef: What about today?

Me: Today?

Chef: Yeah. We could meet for coffee. I'm free till 11:00am.

Me: (glancing at the clock) Well... yeah. I'll jump in the shower now and leave.

Twenty minutes later I was in the car heading to the pre-arranged meeting place. I parked my car and walked to the coffee shop. As I was getting close, I could see his truck turning into a parking lot across the way. I walked in his direction, watching him get out of his truck. It took me a few minutes to realize I was smiling broadly.



We met in the middle and I was rewarded with a big hug. We headed over to the coffee shop in the middle this large outdoor mall kind of place. Because it was only about 9:00, many of the shops were not open and there were not a lot of people there yet. We got our coffee and walked around the place talking. After a lap around, we found a table outside the coffee shop and sat down. I slid my chair next to him and put my feet up on the opposite chair.

After about 2 hours have slipped by and we were still chatting, sharing pictures on our phones, and sipping coffee. He had to go pick up his mother and I had to head over to K's house and keep an eye on the kids.


It was really nice he made the time to see me that morning. What's more, he wanted to see me enough to work it out. It was an unexpected treat and it really made my day. I walked him back to his truck and I was ready to say good bye. I got a goodbye hug and a kiss. As I was turning to walk away, he stopped me. He had forgotten something. He pulled out a greeting card out of the center console. The card said he missed me when we are apart. It really made me feel special

As he drove away, I walked slowly back to my car. I was feeling better and more hopeful than in a long time. I am not in love with the Chef yet, however, I can tell my feelings are changing.

I Can't Sleep

I have not been sleeping well for the past few weeks.  Tonight is worse. People I care about are upset with me and I cannot stop thinking about it.

*sigh*