Friday, May 31, 2013

Dinner, Fat Pants, and Sleeping Alone

Between May and November of last year I lost more than 40 pounds.  I was so sure I was going to maintain that loss, I donated all my fat clothes to charity.  It was 4 or 5 garbage bags of clothing.  Since November I have put most of that weight back on.  It's is just so hard to stay on it once you fall off the wagon.

Last night T invited me to dinner with his family.  His dad also made a point of making sure I was invited.  Usually when I meet them for a dinner out, they will go to casual places.  Places you can show up wearing shorts and a t-shirt.  Not this time.  They were going out to a fancy place in the city to celebrate the closing on the new building.  (T bought a second building so he can open a second office.  He believes having 2 office will allow him more free time than just one. That's a story for another post.)

In my job I usually work from home and only interact with co-workers via Skype or cell phone so there is no reason for me to dress up for work.  T told me I had to dress nicer for this dinner.  I tried on my nice pants and while I could button them, they were way too tight.  I need to get a pair of fat pants.  *sigh*  

On my way to meet T in the city, I bought a new pair of pants and a belt.  I found the restaurant, got the valet to take my car, and just then T and his family arrived.  We walked in, sat down as a big family.  I sat in the middle of the table with T on one side and his youngest sister on the other. 

The dinner was delicious.  Appetizers were just okay, but the dinner itself was fantastic.  I had a good time, feeling like a part of the family.

When dinner was over, T rode with me back to his house.  It was just after dark, we walked around his yard a little looking at plants and inspecting landscape lighting before going inside.  I saw his sister was already changed into more comfortable clothes.  I poked around into the cupboard looking for the stash of chocolates T keeps in there.  I got the feeling I was home.  You know that feeling when you go do something special with your family and then everyone goes back home and slips back into normalcy?  That was the feeling I had and it was really nice.   

T changed into his comfortable clothes we snuggled together on the couch watching TV.  He was holding me with my head on his chest.  I could hear his heart beating as I briefly drifted off to sleep.  I woke about 20 min later and realized it was time for me to go home.  

I loved being with him and I loved I was able to cuddle with him a little.  As always, though, I hated leaving.  I wanted him to take me to bed and hold me all night long.  But that was not going to happen.  

I drove home, and though I have love in my heart, I went to bed alone.

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