Between May and November of last year I lost more than 40 pounds. I was so sure I was going to maintain that loss, I donated all my fat clothes to charity. It was 4 or 5 garbage bags of clothing. Since November I have put most of that weight back on. It's is just so hard to stay on it once you fall off the wagon. Last night T invited me to dinner with his family. His dad also made a point of making sure I was invited. Usually when I meet them for a dinner out, they will go to casual places. Places you can show up wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Not this time. They were going out to a fancy place in the city to celebrate the closing on the new building. (T bought a second building so he can open a second office. He believes having 2 office will allow him more free time than just one. That's a story for another post.) In my job I usually work from home and only interact with co-workers via Skype or cell phone so there is no reason for me to dress up for work. T told me I had to dress nicer for this dinner. I tried on my nice pants and while I could button them, they were way too tight. I need to get a pair of fat pants. *sigh* On my way to meet T in the city, I bought a new pair of pants and a belt. I found the restaurant, got the valet to take my car, and just then T and his family arrived. We walked in, sat down as a big family. I sat in the middle of the table with T on one side and his youngest sister on the other. The dinner was delicious. Appetizers were just okay, but the dinner itself was fantastic. I had a good time, feeling like a part of the family. When dinner was over, T rode with me back to his house. It was just after dark, we walked around his yard a little looking at plants and inspecting landscape lighting before going inside. I saw his sister was already changed into more comfortable clothes. I poked around into the cupboard looking for the stash of chocolates T keeps in there. I got the feeling I was home. You know that feeling when you go do something special with your family and then everyone goes back home and slips back into normalcy? That was the feeling I had and it was really nice. T changed into his comfortable clothes we snuggled together on the couch watching TV. He was holding me with my head on his chest. I could hear his heart beating as I briefly drifted off to sleep. I woke about 20 min later and realized it was time for me to go home. I loved being with him and I loved I was able to cuddle with him a little. As always, though, I hated leaving. I wanted him to take me to bed and hold me all night long. But that was not going to happen. I drove home, and though I have love in my heart, I went to bed alone.
A few years ago I wrote about a guy that used to leave near me. His name is "Steve". Steve is GGAAYY. I met him nearly 10 years ago and I knew in 5 seconds he is gay. Honestly, his behaviors are a gay stereotype. When I met him he was married... to a woman. He had three children. One from his first wife (who died from a complication of childbirth) and 2 from his current wife (current at the time anyway). K and I used to have Steve and his wife over to our house quite a bit. Our kids played with their kids and we all liked hanging out together. I always believed Steve to be gay, but despite his mannerisms, he talked like a semi-homophobic religious type. Eventually his wife caught him with a man and their marriage fell apart into a HUGE mess. When he eventually came out to me, I could not even act surprised. I told him not only did I know, but I gave me an opportunity to come out to him too. I had not met T at this point. Steve and I never did anything physical but it was really nice to have someone to talk to who understood where I was coming from. For a while, Steve engaged in a lot of risky behavior. He had a lot of anonymous hook ups facilitated by Craigslist. While he was in that mode I mostly lost touch with him. I had enough contact to know his version of the gay lifestyle was not for me. I also knew his relationship with his ex-wife was poisonous for for both them and their kids. Fast forward a couple of years. Over the past 6 months I have meet up with Steve and his new partner named "Alex" a few times. Steve is 38 and Alex is 26 but in a lot of ways I think Alex has this shit together a lot more than Steve. He is more sensible and I think that the relationship has been really good for Steve. A couple of weeks ago, they invited me to a party to celebrate Alex's college graduation. After saying I would go, I had to back out at the last minute. I offered to take them out to dinner to make up for it. I had that dinner last week. I met them at their new place. Until about a month ago, they had officially been living separately, but I think Alex had quite a few sleepovers. Now they share a home. Steve moved into Alex's single wide trailer and in the past month they have done a lot of renovations themselves. They added windows, moved walls, installed a fireplace and built a back porch. It really was impressive what they did together. After they showed me around we went out to dinner. While the food was good, the service was very slow. I was OK with me since the the conversation was nice. I was impressed to see how this relationship with Alex had brought structure to Steve's life. I think Alex added actual meaning to Steve's life. A reason not to self destruct in the face of his crazy ex-wife. It was clear they were in love. It was clear they were 2 people living as one. They were partners in everything. This is the life I want for T and me. This is the live I dream about.
I am gay man in his 40's who was married for 18 years to a straight woman, who is still my very best friend. We have 4 children together. She is now remarried and we still want to be supportive of each other and make a stable family for our kids.
Cast of Characters
Jim: That's me
K: The wonderful woman I married in 1993. We divorced in November 2011, and she is still my best friend.
T: My ex-boyfriend. We were together from 2008 to 2013. He is still an important person in my life.
AJ: K's new husband. They got married December 2011.
Most of the images used in my blog I found floating around the Internet. I believe, in good faith, that they are either public domain, or my non-commercial use falls under fair use guidelines. If, however, you are the are the copyright owner of any image and wish me to remove it, please contact me and I will do so as quickly as possible