Saturday, September 26, 2015

Impure Thoughts

T's niece is also his office manager.  She work really hard and takes care of all the little things that makes T's office run smoothly.  I have known her for just over 5 years now and I like her a lot.  She has always treated me like family, even after T and I broke up.

So the Niece is having a big birthday party for herself.  She has invited 80 people and they are having at a banquet hall T just finished building as one of his newest business ventures.  This will be one of the first events he will have at this new property, so it's kind of like a test run before he starts renting it out to paying customers. 

There was a ton of work to do to get this up.  T and his sister have been doing most of it, but he asked me for some help.

It was really good to see him.  While we were moving stuff around, I was able to get him alone a few times.  I was going to say "all the old feelings came rushing back" but the truth is those feelings are are always there, just below the surface.  T's lips looked just as kissable as ever.  (They are just like this guys lips.) I could tell he was having old feelings come to the surface too.   

While we were working in the hall, I was constantly watching him.  He was tying bows on all the chairs.  He was taking his time to make them just right and because he is a little OCD, he didn't want me to help him.  There were other tasks for me, but I still watched him.  Especially when he would bend over to pick something up off the floor.  I could not stop myself from looking at his butt.  Of course in my mind he was naked, and since I have seen him naked many times, it was not hard for me to picture.  

I wanted to come up behind him, wrap my arms around him, and kiss his neck.  His sister was in the hall working with us, so I couldn't do that, but boy did I want to.  

I helped out for a couple hours and when there was no more work for me to do, I left to go home.... alone. 

I know T and I are over.  We both know it.  We both have still have feelings for each other.  It's both a blessing and a curse.  It's a blessing because it shows that we will be connected even many years form now.  It's a curse, because I compare my feeling for anyone else, against my feelings for T, and of course, no one measures up.  The Chef might come the closest, but even then he is a really long way off.


Biki Honko said...

While I'm glad you and T ended the relationship on a friendly note, I'm still not sold on it being the best thing emotionally, or relationship wise for you. A clean total break would help you finally heal from not having him in your life, and allow you to move on and hopefully find a new man that you could love.

The constant contact leaves you in limbo, not a boy friend but more than a friend. Keeping you unable to move on and put him firmly in your past.

While I like T quite a bit, I'm beginning to like him less and less, it feels as if he doesn't want you, but doesn't want anyone else to have you.

jim said...

No, that's not true at all. He understands our reality, and he would be happy for me if I found someone new that I really liked.

T said...

Biki Honko. You are welcomed to come snatch Jim away any time... :)
Jim, please get out there and find yourself a partner before the whole world hates me, even when they don't know me. :)