Friday, October 5, 2012

Clearing the Decks

There were two guys I was talking to when T and I got ourselves back together.  One was a Chinese guy  (pictured here) who was older than me but looked younger.  The other was a white guy about my age but looked older.

I actually had plans to meet the Chinese tonight.

Last night after I got the kids to bed over at K's house, I came home and sent an email to each of them.  To the white guy I told him he seemed like a nice guy, but I was getting back together with my ex-boyfriend so I would not be able to meet hm.  I hoped he had not felt misled.  He sent me back a nice reply thanking me for letting him know and wishing T and I luck on our relationship.

I had been talking to the Chinese guy via email much more so I wanted to write him a slightly different massage.  If T and I had not gotten back, I think there could have been a real possibility that he and I could have gotten along really well.  In his email he said many of the things I wanted to hear, even the things that most guys might not have liked.  Anyway, I told him the truth.  I had not expected that T and I would be able to come back together, but we did.  I hoped he did not feel misled.  I also told him that while I would not pursue a sexual or romantic relationship with him, if he still wanted to get to know me as friends, I would like that.  (I told T about this in advance.)  I figured since I had not actually met him, there was no harm. 

It took longer to hear back from him, but I he did reply.  He thought it would be best to cancel our date for tonight, and he wanted to continue talking before we met in person.  I was glad he still wanted to talk.

Last night I also told K that T and I were back together.  She gave me... the look... I told her that it was OK.  Things were not going to be the same.  There was no chance to talk to her about it last night, so invited her out for a coffee the next morning.

This morning I met her at a local Dunkin Donuts, we each got an iced coffee and sat outside.  I told her the story of my lunch with T from the day before.  I told her about the tears and the anger and the drama.  Then I told her about T's change of heart and the love and the....  Well, I didn't tell her about that, but I did tell her we spent a couple hours at my house...alone...naked....

I was surprised at how positive she was.  I thought she might be skeptical that T would be really willing to follow through given the discomfort that we could be causing his mother.  I thought she might wonder if he would lose his nerve and then we would find ourselves right back in the same place.  But she didn't.  She was happy for me.  She was happy for him too (since she knows I am quite a catch...).  

I have been getting text messages from T all day.  Many more than usual.  I know that he is swamped at work with patients back up in the waiting room for up to 3 hours to see him.  But he found the time to think about me and let me know.

As I write this I am sitting in my house alone, but I do not feel lonely.  I will not see him this weekend.  His sister is visiting from California.  She does not visit often and because of work he has not had much time to spend with her.  Also, K and AJ want to have some time too.  AJ was away for 2 weeks in China for business.  I told K that I would keep the kids so she could have some much needed time with her husband.  Aren't I swell?

So with the extra time to myself I am going to spend some time on the treadmill and dust off my Vietnamese language learning program and get started on that.  For real this time.


Buddy Bear said...

It is fantastic that you can discuss all this with K. She obviously cares about you and hopes the best for you.

T said...

The drama is all you!
But, I forgive you as usual.

RB said...

I knew this was going to happen.....congrats!

fan of casey said...

No matter how much your deny it, you two were meant to be together. Yes, there have been challenges and it took some ultimatum to bring you two back to the bargaining table. Hopefully a happy compromise can be the result. But it will take understanding and willingness to accept that the solution may not be 100% perfect, but if it can be good enough, you have the makings for a lasting relationship.

Paul said...

Aw this is so sweet. I think T is incredibly brave and you really need to support him as he approaches his family about you and him together.

Good luck as you move forward!