Rob over at Below the Radar wrote a posting the other day about something he calls "Life Inertia". Kind of got me thinking about my situation. I am in a situation where I often feel like I am being swept by currents I cannot quite control and I cannot seem to break free from. And there is some stuff that I would not really want to break from, but some more flexibility would be nice. I spend a lot of time at K's house with the kids. I must spend 70% of my non-working / sleeping time there. It's getting worse lately. K has been working more so I need to be other there more. I do value the time with the kids, there is not a lot left over for me. When I do have time to myself, I either go see T or I sit home, alone and do nothing. By the time I get home I am so drained, I don't feel like doing anything. Even this blog has suffered over the past months. When I started I used to post most every day. Now I am lucky if I can manage to write something once a week. I need more friends. I just can't seem to get motivated to meet anyone or invest the time in getting to know people. In a lot of ways, my life has not changed much from when I was married. There I was carried along by the currents of married life. I was stuck in a straight marriage, pretending to be straight, and doing what was expected of me. I am doing pretty much the same thing today. Of course, my life is better in a lot of ways. I am out and no longer hiding. I have a boyfriend who loves me. They say being divorced gives a freedom to start over. I don't think I have started over. I think I am still caught in the inertia of my old life. What ever the "gay lifestyle" is, I don't think I am living it yet. I am not sure I ever will.
I am gay man in his 40's who was married for 18 years to a straight woman, who is still my very best friend. We have 4 children together. She is now remarried and we still want to be supportive of each other and make a stable family for our kids.
Cast of Characters
Jim: That's me
K: The wonderful woman I married in 1993. We divorced in November 2011, and she is still my best friend.
T: My ex-boyfriend. We were together from 2008 to 2013. He is still an important person in my life.
AJ: K's new husband. They got married December 2011.
Most of the images used in my blog I found floating around the Internet. I believe, in good faith, that they are either public domain, or my non-commercial use falls under fair use guidelines. If, however, you are the are the copyright owner of any image and wish me to remove it, please contact me and I will do so as quickly as possible