This morning I woke up alone (as usual) and headed downstairs to make some coffee. I have a small, one cup coffee maker that K got me for Christmas a couple of years ago. I made one cup and headed back upstairs to my room.
As I waited for the coffee to brew, I wondered what it would be like to have to make two cups each morning. Maybe I would need a larger coffee maker.
This is not the first time I have thought about this. In fact, I think about it a lot. I thought about it a lot with T and I were together. Lately it has been less. Since I have not been spending 2 or more days a week hanging out with T, I have been at K's house with the kids a lot more. (Yes, I know, that's probably not healthy for me either, but spending time with the kid is good.) I really only go to my house to sleep and shower. I leave for work early in the morning and then head to K's house after work. I stay there until the smaller kids go to bed. My daughter still likes it when I tuck her in.
This morning I found myself thinking about the possibilities with this new guy. I still have not met him and the conflicts I had a couple days ago are still there, but this morning I was thinking.
I am hopeful and careful at the same time. Maybe he will be the right guy for me and I won't have to have coffee by myself anymore. On the other hand, he might be totally crazy, which is why he is interested in a older, balding guy in the first place.
He will be back from his traveling in the middle of next week. Maybe I will get a chance to meet him soon.
3 comments:
You should meet him next week....before he loses interest.
You will never be making two cups of coffee if you never meet anyone.
Your kids are creating normalcy and helping you not to obsess about the mystery man and T. Being with them is a healthy thing. And yes, again, you need to get T out of your life so you can move on and make a place in your spirit for another man.
Do not expect this man with whom you are corresponding to be the perfect guy for you. Take it easy and enjoy getting to know him. If it is meant to be, it will be. A lesson from the straight dating world is in order--you will probably have to date more than a few guys before you find the one who is right for you. One of the things that I have noticed from looking at many blogs featuring married men who came out later in life is that some of the guys seem to believe that once they came out that they would have plentiful gay sex or a loving relationship instantly. Life does not always work that way. It is best to believe that if you date and keep an easy going attitude, Mr. Right will eventually find you. Know that he will not be the guy you expected. He will come with faults--just like everyone else--but he will be right for you. Just give the process some patience and stop obsessing.
Thanks for laying your vulnerability on the line with this blog.
Keep your family. (K and the kids close.) They are what makes you who you are and makes you happy. Love will come again. you have to Risk. All your good things have come from a risk. You will be scared, and you will have loss. But you can only gain, if you risk.
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