Saturday, November 22, 2014


I can't decide with metaphor to use.  Stuck in a rut or stuck in the spin cycle.  Either way I feel like I am stuck.  I am not doing much beside working, hanging out with my kids, and sleeping.  I am not making much progress on my search for love.

I want to write about it more often.  I need to get back to that.

T and I are still in contact.  We talk once or twice a week and text daily.  We have worked ourselves into a good place... at least as it relates to each other.   He has been working a lot so it has been difficult for me to see him in person.

I have not been actively working my dating profile.   I did hear from a guy in neighboring state.  He seemed like a nice guy.  The more I talked to him, however, the more I got the feeling he was looking to relocate to my city and needed a place to stay.  No thank you.

I also started talking to another guy.  He is a nice guy and while I could be friends with him, he is not someone I want to date.

I have been talking to the Chef.  I had coffee with him the other day and we text most every day.  I am not getting involved with him.  Just talking.  

I spend too much time at K's house with the kids.  I know I do it, but honestly I have nothing better to do with my time.  I figure if I have nothing better to do, I may as well keep working on my relationship with my kids.  I know it's not healthy for me.  I know that I am not getting any younger.  I know I need to do more things for myself.  

I feel like I am so busy.  I feel like I am running and running all the time.  I feel like I don't have time for myself.  I know that I could make it if I wanted to.

But for now, I'm stuck in my rut.


RB said...

You're in this mode too?

I often feel the same way. Not sure exactly how to solve this problem. Ideas??

Spending time with your kids is a good thing! The stronger the relationship, the better.

Biki Honko said...

Its hard to loose a dream that you held tight for so very very long. The dream of you and T, together, actually together in the same house forever. You my dear friend are depressed and grieving. Its ok to be sad, and its ok to grieve.

While you are grieving the loss of your dream you need contact on a weekly basis with adults that arent your ex-wife and her hubby, nor T. Get yourself on the internet and look up There are many, many groups and while a LGBT group would be ideal, dont feel constrained by that one single part of who you are.

Get out, without the pressures of dating, and just be with others. Many of the groups get together for movies, or dinners, hikes, etc. Getting away from work, away from the kids and the ex-wife even for one night a week should help you find your level again.

And who knows, you might find some really cool people to be friends with! Good luck and hugs my friend.

Anonymous said...

If you always do what you've always done,
You'll always get what you've always gotten.

Average gay dude said...

It sounds like you could use a mini vacation to get away from everyone and everything and just recharge.

Treat yourself! All the best :)

Sunne said...

Try to stop meassuring your life on if you find a loving relationship. Start loving yourself and get comfortable in your life without a partner. Do stuff you like to do, be happy with yourself. If hanging out with your kids makes you happy, isn't that great? Don't give yourself the feeling that you have "failed" because you don't have a partner.
It seriously isn't the only way to be happy. Treat yourself with little steps to something that you enjoy...either a walk in the park, some reading time or visiting a christmas market. Yes, do it alone. Start to be comfortable doing stuff alone. Or meet with people you don't scan for potential "partner". Build yourself a life you can be happy with - alone.
Sounds harsh? It isn't. It's a win-win situation. It makes you more confident, it should make you happier. In case you suddenly find someone - it doesn't hurt to live your life independently in the beginnning. I don't say that you should accept staying single forever but I say that you should built your life on yourself, not someone else. Good luck.