Sunday, July 8, 2012

Unsure and Second Guessing

I often make decisions with my heart rather than my head.  I do it all the time.  Sometimes it has paid off for me and other times it has not.  But I have never been really hurt by making a bad decision.

If you have followed my blog over the past few years you probably already know this is true.  My whole saga of divorcing K coming out at a gay man was lead by my heart.  If I only listened to my head, I would have probably done things quicker, but I think I might have done more damage in the long run.

Other times, I have had to be told my someone that I was doing the wrong thing.  T often fills that role for me.  He is analytic in his thinking and he is not shy about telling me when he thinks I am on the wrong track.

Today might be one of those days.  

A few weeks ago, my roommate announced he was moving out at the end of August.  I could pay my expenses without his help, but I have gotten used to the extra income.  I have not yet posted an ad on Craigslist, but I have been looking through the "housing wanted" ads.  I wrote to some and have had 2 people come and look.  

One of them is a 18 year old kid.  He has graduated high school and he has a job, but not a great one.  He was living at home, but when his parents caught him with another boy, they started giving him a really hard time and he felt the need to move out.  He is staying with friends now and looking for a place to live.  He tells me he mostly likes girls and has only fooled around around a couple of guys.

I have a large room for rent, but I also have 2 smaller rooms that I have not been renting, but I could.  He cannot pay want I want for the large room, but I think I would be willing to rent one of the smaller rooms to him for what he can afford.  He showed me his pay stubs and said he could pay the first month up front.  I will run a criminal background check.  At his age I don't expect to find much, but I will check anyway.

I feel like I am doing my part to help out a queer kid that needs it.  This kid could have been me a number of years ago, but for the Grace of God.

I told T about it.  He has a bad feeling.  He did not say specifically why, but he thinks I caution is in order.  I was so sure I was doing the right thing, but now I am not so sure.  I will have to think about it more.


Buddy Bear said...

There are times that using your heart is the best thing to do, I think. If you have a good feeling about the kid (having spoken to him) and he passed the criminal background check, maybe you should give him a chance.

Anonymous said...

I don't have the guts to help out a young boy in need or any body if it involves risk or taking a chance or getting out of my comfort zone. You, however, have put it all on the line. I hope you will give him a chance. Just think what would have happened if you had been given the opportunity to "fool around with guys" before you got married. It might have saved you from some grief and it might have given you a look at gay life from a much younger perspective.
Your friend and regular reader,
Brother Bear
Brother Bear

TwoLives said...

Check his Facebook page. That'll tell you a lot about his character, attitudes, habits and the kinds of friends he has.

You might also think about how your kids could react to having such a young tenant.

Anonymous said...

You haven't said you have a good feeling about this specific kid.

Yes, speaking in general it could have been you, and there but for the grace of god, and in principle yes it would be a good thing to help out a younger guy struggling with his sexuality or coming out.

But if you think about it, there are two different things you're talking about: Helping a kid in this situation, and helping this particular kid in this specific situation.

You said you think with your heart instead of your head. It may seem like this is thinking with your heart, but it actually sounds to me like you're thinking with your head. Your head may be offering the logic and charity to your decision, believing it's a good thing to help someone in this situation.

However, thinking with your heart would be having a feeling about this particular kid.

I can't know, but just from what I've read on your blog I don't think the dilema is whether or not to go with your heart. I think the real dilema here is that you're not realizing you made a head decision in the first place.

I think to figure this out, you just need to ask your heart. Yes, it's nice to want to help a kid like this out. But that's besides the point. The point is about this particular kid. Do you honestly have a good feeling about this specific person? T does.

Maybe you should defer to T's feelings about this particular kid if you don't have gut feelings of your own about him specifically. That way you have the energy, means, time, ability, and room to help the right person when he comes along. I have the feeling your heart will let you know.

Good luck with this.

Victor said...

I had wondered what happened with this. I just read your new post. What did he do?