Monday, July 16, 2012

You Just Never Know

As I was reading my new blogger friend Vinny's blog, it became clear that he and his partner Craig, have a Dominant/submissive kind of relationship.  There is one post that describes an intimate session where Craig is handcuffed in an uncomfortable position and Vinny is doing his thing while pulling Craig's hair.   Craig seems to enjoy being manhandles and Vinny likes to do it.

Reading a little more, it is clear these 2 guys are completely in love with each other.  Based on that description of that session, I made assumptions about their relationship and the dynamic between them.   Vinny has been kind enough to talk to me about it at length, revealing many details that are both personal and sensitive.  I will not get into the details here, but suffice it to say, that he is giving me quite an education.  Both about the hardcore DOM/sub culture in general and the very personal relationship between these 2 guys.

To further my education he told me about a website I could check out.  It's kind of like a ManHunt for fetishes.  So I went to check it out.

As part of their free tour, I was able to search within my state for people online now.  I was not able to open any profiles or read them unless I created an online account.  The header page assured me it was free and only take 60 seconds.  They were right.

So I created an account and filled in the minimum amount of information so I could get to what I wanted to see.  It made me put of a picture so I found one of T in his doctor outfit and said I want to make a house call and give someone a rectal exam...  (just kidding T  :) ) 

But seriously.  In the name of research, I poked around the profiles for Charlotte  There were not that many.  Just a couple of pages worth.  What I found scared me.  There were people into all kinds of thing and I did not think this was the kind of thing I wanted to get involved with.  (Even if I was not already in a committed relationship.)

I was just about to close it down when one of the profile pictures caught my eye.  It was familiar. I looked again.  I clicked on the profile.

It was someone I knew.  It was someone I know to be "straight" and married.  I think it is highly unlikely that his wife knows he is here looking around, but there he is.  He posted the same picture on this fetish site that he uses on his Facebook profile.  He was looking for someone to do some very painful sounding things to his ass.   I am not going to list them here.  It's not that I find it offensive, per se.  It's just I have tried to kept this blog in a condition suitable so mother can read it (and she does) so I will keep it that way for now.

Anyway, logged out of the site and closed my browser. It is unlikely I will ever go back.  

Now, I am not completely sure what to do with this bit of information I have.  I have no desire to ruin this guys family.  Maybe I should reach out to him privately and let him know he should be more careful.  Maybe I should do nothing and mind my own business.


T said...

Mind your own business.

Anonymous said...

What T said.

Anonymous said...

I agree with T and Anon. If you're not intimately and unavoidably close to his wife (as in she's your daughter or sister,) I say leave it alone.

Many people enjoy something not vanilla in bed, and some even enjoy it out of bed. Some couples discover a very natural dynamic that occurs between them effortlessly. When two people are honest and respect each other they should be free to explore whatever they want to together. There are all kinds of fetishes out there as well as power exchange in relationships.

Roleplaying and games aren't for me, but as long as there are safe boundaries and an "on and off" switch, I don't see the problem.

Abuse is something entirely different. And it's never OK. No one has the right to belittle or cause harm to another person, I don't care what the circumstances are.

It took me some exploring to try to find a place for myself. I always knew I was dominant but also very protective, loving, respectful, patient and careful. I knew I enjoyed some physically kinky things. But I've always hated the thought of anyone willing to cause harm, or force someone to do something, or bully someone, or humiliate someone. I had a bit of a time exploring different groups and labels, trying to figure out if I could be myself and still fit in. Maybe that's age related and immature of me. I've always really wanted to fit in someplace. It's never worked out though.

I've come to the conclusion with my partner that we're kind of like an old 40's or 50's married couple. There's definitely a power exchange element. It's very fun and loving, safe and nurturing. It's not for everyone, many would find us boring. But it works for us.

By the way I'm pretty sure Vinnie wouldn't mind at all if you shared his website. It's private but he welcomes and encourages new friends to ask for an invite.

jim said...

Well, since "Vinnie" has outed himself, click on his profile, above and ask to be invited. It's an interesting read and Victor is really friendly & open if you write to him directly.

Anonymous said...

It's not what you're thinking. It's not an S&M blog. My life with Chris is probably very boring to most. But yeah, it's a private blog because I couldn't take the bashing hateful comments from a couple people, and decided I wanted to post a lot of personal photos anyway. So, yeah. If you're interested just send me an email through my profile, I'll send you an invite. It's no big deal.

Biki said...

What you might not have thought of, is that your friend could be on the fetish site with complete knowledge of the wife. They might have come to an agreement that he is allowed to step outside the marriage bed for certain activities that he requires to be happy and she isnt willing, or is unable to accommodate his needs. Most couples I know with that sort of agreement have rules and guidelines of what the partner who is seeking sex out of the marriage is "allowed" to do.

And just because he enjoys ass play doesnt mean he isnt straight, right? We all have our own kinks and desires that seemingly have little to do with our sexual orientation.

JustAMike said...

Victor - what do you mean "an old 40's or 50's married couple"? Ouch! < just teasing ;p >

Anonymous said...

You know those old TV shows from the 1940's and 1950's with married couples like Father Knows Best, I Love Lucy, The Donna Reed Show, Ozzie and Harriet... We're much more like those couples than like a fantasy D&S couple. There's a definite element of power exchange, but it's really a very loving and romantic relationship. We watch them on Antenna TV, or movies from the 40's, and although it's a romanticized view of the time, that really is what we relate to.

lol, why is that an ouch?

jim said...

Because, Victor, my young friend, when you became a man of a certain age (like Mike and me) when you hear "an old 40's or 50's married couple" you think people are calling you old when you don't really feel old. (i.e. you think 40 or 50 years old, rather 1940's or 1950's). Of course from your perspective, 40 or 50 IS very old. LOL!!

Anonymous said...

Oh no! Jim, my sincerest apologies. I see how you could have read what I said. I'm so sorry. That's not at all what I meant. I meant old fashioned, older dynamic of marriage like from a different time. A man in his 40's is not old at all. xoxo