Sunday, November 11, 2012

Just Like Home

Last night I was at K's house with the kids.  Her and AJ were out for dinner.  My older boys were playing X-box in the other room and I was watching "WipeOut" with my younger kids.  

T was with his family.  He has finished work and they all go the church together on Saturday evenings.  After church he sent me a text.  

"Hi honey!  I'm home!"  

Oh, if he only knew how much I long to hear him say that for real when "home" for us is the same place.

Anyway, as I sat there with the kids, I thought about the previous Wednesday night when T had come to my house to spend the night.  We went out for dinner and when we returned to my house, he went up stairs to take a shower.  I had washed the sheets on my bed and I had to get them out the dryer.

When I got upstairs he had finished his shower.  He was standing naked at the sink brushing his teeth (Yes, he keeps a toothbrush at my house.)  T looks a lot like this guy, so I could not help but stop and stare.  Taking in the beauty of his body.

What made that a meaningful moment for me was not the naked man hanging out in my bathroom.  It was the feeling that, at that moment, everything was as it should be.  Everyone was where they belonged.  My love was with me. We were not doing anything extraordinary, but for me it was magic.

I mean, let's face it. Most couples who live together are not having sex all the time.  They are doing regular things that make life happen.  Even most of the time when they are naked, they are engaged in personal grooming, not sex.  Just like here.  He was cleaning up from his day at work.  I was making the bed.  

It was all very normal.  

It was all very ordinary.

But for me... was extraordinary.  

It was wonderful.  

It was magic.


Victor said...

What a beautiful post!
To paraphrase Vanilla Sky, It's the little things. There's nothing bigger.

Biki said...

its the silly, little, dont really matter in the long run, day to day stuff that binds us together. it builds a wall against the howls of the wind and the wild things. brushing teeth, making beds, picking up items that have been shed around the house, they seem super unimportant when one is doing them, but that communion that occurs while doing them is magical.

toothbrush at your house? yippee!! thats a step in the right direction!

jim said...

Thanks Victor and Biki. You are both exactly right.

Anonymous said...

hi jim.hope you are well.its been a few months now i wanted to say to you, im so glad that you are happy.
i found your blog a year ago while i was looking for some info,to understand why gay men who are married to women dont get a divorce since they are unhappy and miserable (i had a relationship with a married guy and i left him becouse i was so in love with him that at the end it was so painfull not to have him so i left him.1.5 years later he ask to see me,and afer 3 times we met for coffee,talking about the past and us he decided that we cant be together becouse hes married-in tears and that he has never felt this feelings before with anyone making me more sad than i was all this time becouse i wouldnt be there for him to make him happy)
anyway through your blog i found some comfort about the whole thing and that some people can dare and live as gay men without the fear of loosing their family as most of them think.
i hope the best for you Jim.