Rob, from Below the Radar, asked a good question about my last post: "OMG, Those people think we're gay!!! Who the fuck cares what they think?" Every time I comment on a comment, I preface it with, "I don't usually comment on comments, but I'm going to on this one." So, here goes. When T and I go out, I give some thought to how we act together and how we are perceived by the people around us. I think about it on a couple levels. Survival is one. We live in the buckle of the Bible Belt and walking around holding hands could get us both killed. Now, this is not something I think about a lot, but if I am being honest, it is a consideration.
Putting that to the side, when I think others have identified us as a gay couple, I am not stressed about it. On the contrary, I think it's a good thing. I have not been out very long, relatively speaking. On some levels, being an out gay man is still something of a novelty for me. It's still new and fresh. When think that someone know who I really am, and I don't sense a negative change in their behavior, it really does give me a lift. It makes me... well ... just a little bit happier. If I get a negative reaction, like I did from the kid clearing the table at the restaurant, I note it, but I don't dwell on it. It does not make me feel badly. Not even a little bit. Probably because I have trained myself, over the years in the closet, to assume everyone will react negatively, so when they do, it is really of no consequence. So, who the fuck cares what other people think? Not me. Unless what they think makes me just a little bit happier.
I am gay man in his 40's who was married for 18 years to a straight woman, who is still my very best friend. We have 4 children together. She is now remarried and we still want to be supportive of each other and make a stable family for our kids.
Cast of Characters
Jim: That's me
K: The wonderful woman I married in 1993. We divorced in November 2011, and she is still my best friend.
T: My ex-boyfriend. We were together from 2008 to 2013. He is still an important person in my life.
AJ: K's new husband. They got married December 2011.
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