K and I have been divorced for almost 2 years and I still consider her mother, my mother-in-law. As far a mother-in-laws go, she is a pretty good one. From the very first day I met K, her mother (Let's call her "Mary") was nice to me. I get hugs when I see her. She remembers things going on in my life. When my dad was alive, but in poor health, she always asked him and prayed for him at church. She asked about my mom too.
Mary is a excellent cook. She makes up recipes on the fly and they are (almost) always wonderful. She remember the ones I like and will make them when I come to visit. She does not know how to cook low fat. She makes real, old fashioned comfort food.
She is pretty good with the kids. She is not perfect, but she makes a point to take them to movies when she sees them. She talks to the older ones and listens to what they have to say.
When K told her parents I am gay and we were divorcing, Mary didn't treat me any differently. As K and I went through our slow motion divorce, she was just a nice to me as she always was. The only difference is that now she would ask me about T. When K and AJ got married, T and I were invited. We sat at the table with K's parents and sister. Mary made a point to talking to T quite a bit. She went out of her way to be nice to him, when she didn't have to. It was really sweet.
I really fucking hate my mother-in-law.
I cannot stand the woman. Every time I see her I want to punch her in the face. I want to scream, "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM WOMAN????"
Why am I so hostile? It's simple really.
She treats K like shit.
And I hate her for it.
It really is that simple. I have been watching it for nearly 25 years. and it is always the same. I am not going into any details here, but it did not take me long to start seeing the things I didn't like. I still see them today. In some respects they have gotten worse. AJ does not quite see them yet, but he will. Since they live far away, it will take him longer. He eventually he will see it.
T's mother is nice to me too. She is also a good cook. She likes getting me to try new Vietnamese foods. Honestly, I think T's whole family really likes watching me try new things, well, new for me anyway. She remembers the things I like and when there are leftover will often pack them up and send home with me so I can have them the next day. (Oddly enough, it never taste quite as good when I eat it at my house.)
Generally when I come into the house she smiles warmly, unless she is busy with something. Her English is not very good, but she sometimes will make an effort to talk to me directly. She is not used to speaking English at home and I can tell it not easy to pull the words from her memory. I appreciate the effort. She is trying to make me feel welcome in her home. Trying to draw in the outsider. It's a nice gesture she did not have to do, but she does.
I don't like T's mom either. Not one little bit. I don't like the way she treats T. I think she is ruining T's life and his chance at happiness. I think she is demanding that T live his life on her terms and not his. I think she says she want's him to be happy, but really only if he can be happy doing what she wants him to do. Otherwise, he puts on a happy face and that's good enough for her.
T is a gay man. She cannot accept what that means. My heart breaks for T that he has to live in that prison. He hides in his work, his garden and his television. His house is beautiful. It's still a prison.
My heart breaks for his sister. So scared to come out even as an otherwise successful adult in her 40's. She is very attractive, cute, smart, funny, and I'm sure there are many women who would love to meet her. If only she were not stuck in her own prison. With her work and Korean soap operas as her only escape.
I love T and I care about his sister and the whole thing just pisses me off.
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