The readers have spoken. Everyone is agreed. I need to take a break from T. I need to forget about him. I need to realize that he and are are not meant for each other and be done with it. Maybe in a couple of years we can be friends, but right now I need to cut him out of my life so I can more easily get over him and focus on myself. Only then can I open my heart to someone else.
It is the obvious course of action. It is the easiest in terms of stress and pain. It will be the fastest route for me getting over him.
I don't care. I'm not going to do it.
Read back a couple of years of my blog and you will see something similar. My three year, slow motion divorce from K is all documented. Read the comments from back then. You will see there were a bunch of people advocating the Band-Aid approach. Rip it off quickly, endure the sharp pain and then it will be okay after that. Some wanted me to leave my house and get an apartment on my own. They said it was better or me and better for K and the kids. They said it would speed the healing process.
Take quick, decisive action. Just GO!!
I did not listen to them either. I prolonged the agony. I stuck with K a very long time. In many regards, I am still with her today. It has not always been easy. It was VERY painful a few years ago. If I would have taken their advice, I might have saved myself a lot of headache (and heartache).
But look at where I am today. As I write this I am sitting in my ex-wife's kitchen. I just had a very pleasant conversation with her new husband about the politics of the First Amendment. My daughter is playing x-box in the next room. M youngest son is loading the dishwasher. My older boys are off with friends, but I saw them as they were heading out the door. How many gay divorced men can say that? How many have the situation I have? How many have a key to their ex-wives new house, where she lives with her husband? How many gay divorced men are still best friends with their ex-wives? (To the point where I know she tells me things even her best girl friends don't know.)
I got to this point because I made the harder choice to stay, when others would have given up and split. I was more painful for me, and probably for her. (As a side note, by making it harder on me and her, it was MUCH, MUCH easier on the kids.)
I am not going to cut off T because I love him. I am always going to love him. I do not think I would like my life if he were not in it. Even if it was only or a year or two. While it is true he cannot do all the things I need from him as a partner, it does not change the love.
I would be lying if I did not admit that even today I frequently wonder if we could get back together. Maybe I could live with his situation because I love him so much. I remember what being with him is like. I remember how good it felt when he held me but I also how frustrated I felt when I had to drive home late at night, rather than staying the night laying next to him. I also know the pain of being separated from him.
Whether we ever get back together is not the point. The point is I am taking the long view with T. I am willing to prolong the pain for me (and maybe for him) so I can keep him in my life. I am not sure if I cut him out completely now, we would ever come back together a friends year later. We might. We probably would, but I don't know that.
In the meantime, I will probably write about it my struggles. I will probably complain some.
It's my blog and I'll bitch if I want to.