Friday, February 24, 2012

Startling Admission

I hesitate to even write about this.  Considering I pretty much bare myself completely in this blog, I should be able to write about anything, right?   I was not sure I was ever going to write about this. 

It’s kind of embarrassing.

I have been reading gay romance novels.

There.  I said it.

Stop laughing.   I mean it!!

I know, I know.  What man reads romance novels?  Gay ones I guess.  (As a side note, my sister reads my blog and I know I will soon get a mocking text about this.)

Several years ago, before I met T and before I really came out to K, I found a website that published gay stories online.  Not porn stores, just gay stories.  I found several stores written by someone who calls himself DomLuka.  The first story I ready was called “The Ordinary Us”.  It is about a closeted gay high school kid.  (to find it click here

Then I read another one about an older kid, post high school age, who comes out to this parents, get’s kicked out and goes to live with his older brothers.  While there he falls in love with a troubled kid who lives next door.  There is also a sequel to it as well.

I was reading these usually when I was traveling.  Waiting in an airport or on a plane.   I started to read lots of books, but the ones by DomLuka are extremely  well written.  I felt for the characters and got sucked into the stories.  In a lot of way I was identifying with them and I wanted to live their lives, but I was trapped my denial that I was even gay at all.  Never mind that fact that I was in a straight marriage.

I guess it was a escape, but at the same time there was a lot of regret in me too.  That I was wasting my life being in denial.

I stopped reading them when I stopped traveling so much.  I didn’t have as much time on my own and I think I was starting to get tired of them.  These “coming of age” stories all seemed to follow a similar pattern.

About 2 weeks ago I found a website that reviews gay-themed books.   By far the largest categories of gay book are erotica and romance.  I was surprised to see so many authors of gay romance novels are straight women.   The one I reading now was written by a straight woman.

I looked through the top rated ones (Apparently, there is a lot of crap.) and I checked to see if they were downloadable on my e-reader.  They were.  So I bought 4 books.  I am almost finished with the second one.

So, why are these books so interesting to me now?  I am not in the closet anymore.  I have a partner (notice I didn’t say boyfriend) who I am deeply in love with and who loves me back.  So why am I reading?  What I am escaping from?  Over the past few days I have thought about it, I don’t think I am escaping from anything.  I think the stories resonate with me on a more aspirational level.   On one level they tell the story of something T and I already have.  Deep love and commitment.  On another level, they tell the story of something we don’t have yet.  We are not together all the time.  We are not living as partners in life as we are partners in your hearts.

Everyone knows that I want that daily, life partnership.   Maybe reading the stores of other people who have found the happiness they want will inspire me to keep perusing my own with the only man I have ever loved.


TwoLives said...

I used to read a lot of gay fiction. If it's well-written and makes your insides all gooey, what's the problem???

What are you reading?

One of these days I'll get an e-reader. When I do the first book I'll download will be "The Front Runner" (Patricia Nell Warren) which is now advertised as "the most celebrated gay love story ever."

Books are perfect traveling companions - and who cares what you read?

Nenne said...

Okay - I'm a woman but an avid reader. Since I bought my kindle in Oct 2012 I've read 270 gay romances - Mary Calmes "Matter of Time"-series, too. Btw..I love Timing...

I highly recommend gay romances to all my friends. Why?
They are much better than the normal romances - beautiful woman and supersexy alphamale - how boring...and annoying.

Gay guys? Everything - from supersexy alphamale to average next door guy and cute little twinks and still not cheesy. There are very much very good book there, like the Cut& Run series by Abigail Roux, books by L.A. Witt (she is writing great books), Z.A. Maxfield, Josh Lanyon (Adrian English series!!), K.A. Mitchell, Amy Lane (Promises Series)...etc.

Oh...why I do read them?

Well, first, as I said, I think woman in books are most of the time either the fragil but strong beauty or the tough fighter..but nothing else..boring.

Second - wow - ask my hubby what he thinks of my increased knowlegde of the male body...I hadn't thought that I had still so much to learn. Love life went from good and satisfiying to

Third - I recommend them to my friends because this is the first way to make people realize, think and accept that it just shouldn't matter which gender your loved one is.

Yes, I love my kindle and all thre great books I can get through him (I live in Europe)....

So - what's wrong with reading - it's second best to do when you have time...guess what's first ;)

Rex V said...

Nick Nolan and Michael T. Ford are a couple of other authors you might want to check out. I've been with my man for twenty one years and was married 24 before that. There aren't any gay romances or mysteries out there with people my age in them, but that's all right, I remember what it was like when I was that age. Enjoy and remember you are supporting writers who aren't necessarily make a lot off the rest of the public!

Nenne said...

Always good to get recommdations - I'm going to check them out, thanks.

Btw. good story with mature couple is "Family Unit" by Z.A. Maxfield.

Anonymous said...

For a long time, I spent a lot of time on Nice site with a lot of options. I read a series from Scott Turner that had me hooked. Unfortunately, he has not contributed anything for a couple of years, and I am afraid something happened to him.
They are really great stories [to me] about a college kid and his coming of age, out, and finally working.
If anyone knows anything about him, please let me know.

MiddleMan said...

I have a few on my Kindle, including Nick Nolan. My favorites are the ones where one of them struggles with his sexuality until they fall in love with another man. 'Grey's Awakening' is one example and 'Tigers and Devils' - about an Australian football player who comes out of the closet - is another. And these books are cheap compared to the mainstream novelists. There are things I don't like about gay romance novels. One is that every character is well above average in looks with perfect bodies - like a gay Fabio but with short hair.

TwoLives - You can probably try Kindle for PC (or Mac) before you purchase the device.

Uncutplus said...

No lurid cover that might accidentally show either when using your Kindle. No one can tell what you are reading! Hey, let's have a little privacy here!

Gay Groom said...

I'm just glad people still read! Don't care what. And what's wrong with a little romance? I say enjoy!

Anonymous said...

Rex V, for an older male hero, you might want to check out the NCIS fanfic sites since Gibbs is much, much older than the usual gay romance heroes out there. Another plus being they are free. Something like DiNozzo!
by Tibbsian has an action thread if you want something more than just romance and sex.