Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Fighting for Love

One of the traits I inherited from my father is a disdain for confrontation.  I tend to avoid confrontation whenever possible.  This trait has actually caused me a lot of problems over the years in both my personal and professional life.

Occasionally however, I have felt so strongly about something that I have been forced to push back, even against people I care about.

Shortly after K and I got married there was something about her that my father did not like.  He told me about it.  A bunch of times, in fact.  Finally I had to tell him to stop.  I had to remind him that K was my wife and I loved her.  I heard what he said and I didn't want to hear about it any more.  This was not a nice, pleasant conversation.  It was highly animated.  There was a lot of yelling and I ended the conversation my walking away from my father grabbing K and heading for my car.  

I felt strongly that my dad was wrong.  I felt strongly I had to defend my wife.  And we had a confrontation.  He never mentioned it again.

The next time I have to have an ugly confrontation on K's behalf, was during the planning of her sister's wedding.  Again, I am not going to get into all the details, but suffice it to say that it was bad enough that I was compelled to go alone to her parents house to confront both her parents and her sister.  Again, it was not pretty.  It was not a pleasant conversation.  There was a lot of yelling, mostly me yelling at her family.  

I felt strongly they were wrong.  I had to find a way to make them stop doing what they were doing to make my wife miserable.  Weeks later I found out K's father told her that he was impressed with how I stood up to him for her.

I would never advocate confrontation for the sake of confrontation.  I still like to avoid it when I can, but sometimes, there are things worth fighting for.

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