One of the traits I inherited from my father is a disdain for confrontation. I tend to avoid confrontation whenever possible. This trait has actually caused me a lot of problems over the years in both my personal and professional life.
Occasionally however, I have felt so strongly about something that I have been forced to push back, even against people I care about.
Shortly after K and I got married there was something about her that my father did not like. He told me about it. A bunch of times, in fact. Finally I had to tell him to stop. I had to remind him that K was my wife and I loved her. I heard what he said and I didn't want to hear about it any more. This was not a nice, pleasant conversation. It was highly animated. There was a lot of yelling and I ended the conversation my walking away from my father grabbing K and heading for my car.
I felt strongly that my dad was wrong. I felt strongly I had to defend my wife. And we had a confrontation. He never mentioned it again.
The next time I have to have an ugly confrontation on K's behalf, was during the planning of her sister's wedding. Again, I am not going to get into all the details, but suffice it to say that it was bad enough that I was compelled to go alone to her parents house to confront both her parents and her sister. Again, it was not pretty. It was not a pleasant conversation. There was a lot of yelling, mostly me yelling at her family.
I felt strongly they were wrong. I had to find a way to make them stop doing what they were doing to make my wife miserable. Weeks later I found out K's father told her that he was impressed with how I stood up to him for her.
I would never advocate confrontation for the sake of confrontation. I still like to avoid it when I can, but sometimes, there are things worth fighting for.
I am gay man in his 40's who was married for 18 years to a straight woman, who is still my very best friend. We have 4 children together. She is now remarried and we still want to be supportive of each other and make a stable family for our kids.
Cast of Characters
Jim: That's me
K: The wonderful woman I married in 1993. We divorced in November 2011, and she is still my best friend.
T: My ex-boyfriend. We were together from 2008 to 2013. He is still an important person in my life.
AJ: K's new husband. They got married December 2011.
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