I have been thinking about the times lately when I am the happiest. There is one time that sticks out in my mind.
It's the times I am with T. We don't have to be doing anything cook or fun, just being with him fills my heart with happiness that I find difficult to describe.
This past weekend I went to see T. After a dinner with his family, we went back to his house. We headed straight up to his room and closed the door. He took a quick shower and came out hearing these thin lounge pants that I bought him for Christmas the year before. He looked so good, especially since he was free-balling and it showed.
I love just being with him. I am so comfortable, so at ease and so safe. I just can't think of any place I would rather be.
Spend most of the evening, laying between his leg with my head in his lap... sleeping. I dozed off on him and he let me sleep almost 2 hours. He could not have been that conformable with me laying on him, but he didn't complain and didn't disturb me, but let me sleep.
I really love him.
I spend a lot of time alone... even when I am not alone. I spend a lot of time at K's house. I spend a lot of time with my kids. Except when I am working, I have people I love around me a lot of the time. Even these times I am lonely. It's not because there are no people around. It's because there is one specific person NOT around.
I know he is SWAMPED at work. I know he is trying his hardest to be less swamped and is not having a lot of luck. I know all that but I still find myself lonely a lot of the time.
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