A few years ago when K and I were seeing a therapist, the therapist told K something that made her blood run cold. "Eventually the boys will want to live with Jim. I see it all the time. Boys want to live with their dads." A lot of divorced parents with kids have some kind of sharing arrangement with the kids. A common arrangement is the kids live with one parents during the week and other on the weekends (or alternate weekends). Sometimes, parents alternate full weeks, with the kids at one house one week and the other then next. K and I talked about this when we separated. We felt that having the kids bounce back and forth between houses would be confusing. We both think that it's important for them to have stability and a home. Finally, we decided that the kids home should be with her. It is inconvenient for me to be there at K's house all the time, but it is something I have gotten used to. It is a hindrance in me developing my relationship with T and developing other friendships. But I do it for my kids. I do it because I refuse to let AJ raise my kids. It's my responsibility to raise my kids and I am not going to cede that to him or anyone else. Tonight, my youngest son is sleeping at my house tonight. One of the things we talked about tonight, is his desire to spend more time at my house with me. This is the second time he mentioned it. It came up once before a couple of weeks ago. He is thinking that the idea of spending one week with me and one week with K sounds like a good idea. I am all in favor of any of my kids to come and stay with me as often as they want. It's part of the reason that I keep my house. I mean, it's not like I need a four bedroom house for myself. I could be just a happy in a one or two bedroom apartment and I might even save myself a couple of bucks in the process. The younger kids spend a few night a month at my house now. The older boys could if they wanted to, but they have not indicated they want to. (Yes, I have specifically invited them, but also said I was not going to force them.) K never offers any resistance when they has to come to my house. I also do not ask her. I simply inform her they are coming home with me. I am afraid that might change if I told her any of the kids, wanted to spend an entire week, every other week, with me. I worry if the prediction of the therapist that caused her to much fear comes true, there might be a change in her level of flexibility. If were to happen that my son would want to to live with me full time, she would be crushed and I worry about what might happen.
I am gay man in his 40's who was married for 18 years to a straight woman, who is still my very best friend. We have 4 children together. She is now remarried and we still want to be supportive of each other and make a stable family for our kids.
Cast of Characters
Jim: That's me
K: The wonderful woman I married in 1993. We divorced in November 2011, and she is still my best friend.
T: My ex-boyfriend. We were together from 2008 to 2013. He is still an important person in my life.
AJ: K's new husband. They got married December 2011.
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