So, it has been a week and the online dating things is not going very well. I wrote a good profile. I lied about my weight (just kidding) and posted a picture that I have been told is "adorable". I even paid for a membership at Match.com. I can see that people are reading my profile, or at least clicking on it. but so far the only one who has written is a 65 year old man who was wishing me luck in finding someone special. I have written to a crapload of people. I even took the time to write individual messages tailored to include elements from their profile so it seemed more personal. So far, only one person wrote me back and I can already tell that it going no where. And this is only the first week. (T, on the other hand, put up a profile on another site and his mailbox is packed with men who want to hang out with him...) ------------------------------------------------ On another note, I have been thinking a lot about, my feelings for T and our situation. I had a long talk with K about it. She thinks it's a good thing that T and I have broken up. Not that she dislikes T, but she knows I was getting frustrated, there was no improvement in sight and she wants to see me happy. During the course of the conversation we got to the fact that I really have no friends. I have her and the kids and I have T. That's pretty much it. I have never had a lot of friends, but I have never has his few. I am taking steps to fix that, but that's another blog post. As a partner, T is PERFECT for me. He really is on so many levels, except for one thing. It's a big thing, but other than that, he's perfect. I have no doubt that I would be happy with him forever. So accepting that premise and accepting that we were (and still are) deeply in love with each other, I asked the question, "If I had a more healthy circle of friends, would I have been better able to deal with the situation between T and I?" I mean if all I have is K, the kids, and T, that is not healthy. Normal people have lots of friends. People they can call and chit chat about stuff. Grab a beer of shoot pool. Someone to call when you need to bring your car to the shop or move a couch. I don't have that. So what did my life look like? Work (mostly alone). Hang out with the kids and K. Go visit with T. Sleep alone. That's it. Is it any wonder that I was lonely all the time. Is there any wonder why the thought of him not being able to live with me for years if ever, was so upsetting. I have no other relationships. I tend to be introverted, but with friends I am extroverted (seems weird, but that's how I am). I need to have people in my life. I need to have interaction with people. I thrive on it. If I don't have it and it is stressful. So then I come back to T. If I had more friends, could I tolerate his situation better? Could I better wait the time it would take for his family to come around and accept me? And when I felt the most stress, did I change something in my life that was good, because I did not see that another part of my life was more badly broken than I thought. Did I break up with T because I don't have many friends? I really do love T with all my heart. It has been 2 weeks and I am just as much in love with him as I was before. I don't know if going back to that relationship is smart. I don't know if he would take me back anyway. We have broken up several times. I am sure he would feel jerked around. I would. I hope I did not let go of a man who truly loves me for the wrong reason.
I am gay man in his 40's who was married for 18 years to a straight woman, who is still my very best friend. We have 4 children together. She is now remarried and we still want to be supportive of each other and make a stable family for our kids.
Cast of Characters
Jim: That's me
K: The wonderful woman I married in 1993. We divorced in November 2011, and she is still my best friend.
T: My ex-boyfriend. We were together from 2008 to 2013. He is still an important person in my life.
AJ: K's new husband. They got married December 2011.
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