Then I waited.
I really hate the waiting game. You are reaching out your hand and, especially for gay guys my age, it's only a matter of time before it gets slapped away.
There was no immediate response. As I felt my ego deflating, I just went to bed. He's probably not interested in a guy like me anyway.
The next morning I got up and the first thing I did was check my e-mail. Even though I was willing myself not to get my hopes up, I did anyway.
He responded. My heart jumped and my spirits lifted even more when I opened the message and found he has written a lot. He told me more about himself. He seemed really nice and genuinely interested in knowing more about me. Even though I knew it would make me late for work, I wrote back to him. Briefly explained that I was coming out late in life, but reassuring him the situation with my ex-wife was drama free (don't want to scare him off). I included a picture of myself that was not in my profile online. Not a naked one, but just a little more suggestive.
At lunch, I checked my e-mail on my Blackberry from the cafe at the office. He wrote back again. Said he was working from home that day and he included another picture of himself.
WOW!! I need to meet this guy in person.
So, before heading back to my desk, I type out a respond as fast and I can with my thumbs asking if we wanted to meet for a drink or maybe dinner.
I was excited as I clicked send. Maybe this was the guy that could end my loneliness... Maybe.
A few hours later he agreed to meet me.
We set up the meeting for last night at a local bar, that had pretty good food too.
I arrived half an hour early and scanned the place. There were no Asian guys there, so I was sure I had gotten there first. I picked a table half was back from the door, but facing the door so I could see him when he walked in and waited.
I pulled out my tablet so it would not appear that I was too eager. I open a book on my Kindle app, but I never looked at it. I kept looking at the door.
A little while later an Asian man walked in and was looking around. It must me him so I waved. He walked over and introduced himself. He looked good, but not as good as in the pictures. They must have been taken some time ago. I put that aside, after all looks are not everything.
I so we started with small talk and he said he was working in his family's restaurant. There is nothing wrong with that, but I was sure his profile said something about working as a computer programmer. As dinner came and we talked more, it became clear to that we did not click. I could not exactly put my finger on it, but something was not right. I found that he was less and less interesting and I started thinking about chores I had to do at home. What time was it?
I think that he was less enamored with me too. Maybe I was too old for him, or maybe too overweight. Probably too something.
When the check came he put $20 on the table to cover his half of the bill. I put the rest on my card. We got up to leave together. Once we were outside, I offered him my hand. He gave me a quick hug and said he had a nice time. I knew he was lying, but I told him I did too. We each agreed to call the other in the next few days, but I think we both knew that was a lie too.
He went his way. I went mine.
Driving home I knew what the rest of my evening would be like. Searching the online profiles for anyone new. Anyone with kind eyes and who's profile indicated a willingness to date someone like me.
-------------------------------------------------------I don't have a lot of time to read blogs like I used to. And I, sadly, do not have as much time to write. Lately the blogs I have read are about gay men who are always looking, always searching for the perfect man, the best date, the most chemistry.
As I read them I reminded how lucky I am to have T. Even though what we have is not perfect, we are in it together and that's what really counts. The love we share is one of a kind. Rather than searching for the perfect partner like a lot of guys would, I am (mostly) content to work with T to make the relationship I have as perfect as we can. It will take time, but I really believe we will get there.