Saturday, March 24, 2012

Outing Myself ... Again

I did it again.  Without thinking about it, I have once again outed myself to a potentially large number of people.

On Thursday, my Dad's obituary appeared in 3 newspapers and their respective websites.  One of the papers has a huge circulation and the other 2 are community papers.  People who know my family would know what papers to look at to find the obituary if they wanted to ready it.

Additionally, the pastor of the church K works for asked me for funeral information for my dad.  Rather than send him the details, I simply sent him the link to the obituary that had all the information he wanted.  I suspect he will forward it on to others in the church.

So what, you might ask.  How is any of this outing yourself?

On Tuesday when my mom and sister were crafting the working of the obituary, we talked about how (or if) to include T and K.  I wanted to include both.  When it was done, it read something like this:

"...leaves behind 2 children.  A son, Jim and his partner T, and his children.... and their mother K"

I liked the way it sounded.  I still do, but it was not until I had sent it to the pastor did I realize exactly what I had done.  Anyone I had not told I am gay, was going to find out in my dad's obit.  It was not my intention to distract from my dad's memorial, and in reality I doubt that I have.  I am so comfortable with my new situation, especially with my family, that I just did not think about it.  

I don't know if there will be any consequences for that.  Most of the people at church don't know that K and I divorced because I am gay.  I don't know if they will give her shit about it.  

I also don't know who of my old friends will read the obituary and find out something new about me.

Another step in the process, right?


Buddy Bear said...

A big step! Well, congratulations!! Let the chips fall where they may!

TwoLives said...

Because you can't and don't want to go backward, there's only one direction you can do and that's forward. More and more people are going to know the truth, that's just how it works.

So, would you rather tell people one by one or in small groups? Especially people you know on a very casual basis? Probably not. This way of coming out is very dignified. It shows pride in all your relationships, and most importantly, I'm sure your father would be pleased to know that he continues to have a positive impact on your life.