I have been thinking about last Saturday night. We had AJ and K sitting together by the fire. There were sitting very close. Much of the time AJ had his hand on K's knee and a couple time I caught K rubbing his arm.
With all these little displays of affection, sooner or later the kids are going to notice. They are going to wonder what is going on with K and AJ. I am starting to think that we should get out in front of this and tell them that AJ is special to K and that the two of them are dating. My kids will understand that. Maybe not my daughter, who is 6, but the others will.
K and I talked about that last week and I think we are generally in agreement about it. When we talked about it though, she asked the next question.
"If they know about me and AJ, won't they ask about you next?"
They might, but I am not sure.
Lately I see T about 1.5 times a week on average. When I leave the house I always tell them I am leaving and if they ask where I am going, I always tell them the truth. I tell them I am going to see T. Now I do not tell them what we are doing, sexual or otherwise, and they do not ask. I think from their perspective I am visiting a friend just like they would. In fact, my older boys have a friend that lives down the street they visit sometimes every day. They play video games and do other teenage boy stuff. By far, they play with this one kid more than any other kid in the neighborhood. So from that perspective, they probably don't see anything strange about my activities.
Last Saturday, T and I did sit next to each other by the fire, but not a close as K and AJ. We did not hold hands or otherwise show affections (aside from knowing looks from time to time.)
I am getting ready to tell the kids that I am gay. I think I am ready for it. What I do not know is if THEY are ready for it. Really they are the last people that matter in my life I need to come out to before I can really come out. I have a lot of old friends who do not know about me and I have been holding off because my kids don't yet. I really don't want them finding out from anyone other than me and K. I also would like for K and us to do it together so they can see that we still support each other and that we (me, K and the kids) will remain a family even if things are different from before.
On the one hand I am ready to do this, but on the other I have a lot of angst about it. My relationship with my kids means the world to me and I really don't want to screw it up.
I would appreciate comments on how and when others have come out to their kids and the result.
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