Monday, October 25, 2010

Scared to Network

I have been following Brent's blog A Journey by myself for a long time now. 

Our situations are similar on some levels. He has a hard time meeting men. He meets them online but when it comes time to meet them in person he doesn't follow through. 

When I was looking for men to hook up with, I never had any problem making the jump from online to in person.  I think that's because, at 

the time, the goals of me and the other guy were the same:  Anonymous, no strings sex.  I knew what he wanted and he knew what I wanted. It was simple. I did not have to expend energy getting to know him and I did not have to open myself (emotionally) to him.  I didn't even really care if he liked me or not.

That was my mind set when I arranged my last hook up (over 2 1/2 years ago), but something unexpected happened that day. I fell in love. Needless to say, I don't meet men (or anyone) for hook ups anymore.

But now I have another problem.  I need to find some gay friends. Any friends would do really, but gay friends would be better.  Right now I have 2 friends. T and K. That is not a wide enough circle. 

I'm also looking ahead. I like to be around people.  I like to be included in things.  There will come a day when K and I won't live together and I will lose that daily contact. T is a busy guy and we won't live together anytime soon.  At best, I will see him 2 or 3 times a week.  My kids are aging rapidly and will soon look at me as more of a wallet and car key holder than anything else.  All that means a lot of time by myself. 

I need to be part of a network. Most people build those when they are young. I'm way behind.

I could go to one of the several gay bars in the nearby city, but I have never been to any of them. Well, not by myself anyway.  This is where I am more lined up with Brent's situation.
Before I met T, I was seeing another man. Let's call him Jake. Jake and I would get together about once a month or so. And one of the places we would go was this gay bar. It was a low key place with pool tables and even an outdoor bar out back. It was a little run down but had a comfortable feel. Most all the guys there were well over 30 (really old in gay years).  One thing that was cool about going with Jake was he seemed to know lots of people there. It turns out he used to hang out there a lot.  He would usually go by himself, hanging out for hours and talking to the people that were there. 

I don't have the courage to go alone to places like large groups or bars by myself with the intention of meeting people.  It's especially intimidating if I think the people there will immediately recognize me as an outsider.  I know I need to get over it and just do it. I know that is how I will meet people. But it's scary for me. 

I can see myself sitting in the parking lot of a gay bar by myself for a while before eventually driving away.  Just like Brent did the other night.  Part of it is, I am just not the bar type.  I mean it is fun to go with others as a destination, but to meet random people...?  That's just not me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I was part of Gay Christian Network for a while. I attended a lunch. A lot of great online chat that was just among friends. One of those new friends ended up marrying me and T.