Thursday, April 22, 2010

We Don't Talk Anymore

Earlier this week K and I were talking about the date get has with AJ tomorrow.  She is very much looking forward to it.  During the course of our conversational, she said something to the effect of, "It will nice to have a good conversation with someone."

"What?  We talk all the time." I retorted.  

"We have not had a deep conversation in a long time."  she said.

I did not like that too much, and I did not say anything about it.  But I did think about it a lot.  She was right.  We have not been talking much lately.  I mean we talk every day, but it is transaction, roommate talking.  We talk about the kids, we talk about the events of the day, but we have not talked much about what each of us think about things.

I guess for a while, I have been avoiding that topic, because that always led to her being angry with me.  But that time is mostly over.  It has been a long time since I have seen the angry ex-wife and more of the best friend.  There has been more of a separation.  While some of that is good, I cannot let us get too far apart.

Our relationship has changed. Of course that is a good thing and it needs to happen.  It is continuing to change, that too is a good thing, but I thing it also needs some care and feeding.  I think that I need to make an effort to reconnect with her.  Not as a husband, but as her best friend.  Really more than that.  We are family.  Gay or straight. Married or not.  We are family.  Because of our situation, I cannot leave that relationship to chance.  

So on Friday she will have a night out with AJ.  Hopefully he will connect with her on a level that I cannot.  I will see if she wants for us to go out on Saturday and we can connect where we can.

Maybe I will take her to the mall.  I don't really like shopping, but where else does a straight woman go with her gay best friend?


Keith said...

I can feel ya on this. My wife and I are still married and we seem to be at the place where we have only surfacy type conversations ... kids, schedules, what to have for supper, etc.

I need to do more to reconnect as well. The thing is ... I avoid those "deeper" conversation for fear of where they will lead. I.e., her feeling lonely with us living more like roommates than husband & wife, etc.

manxxman said...

Now that I no longer live with my ex I find that we can get along fine. Work on whatever problems our children are working thru, etc. But.....yes there is a but, she now has her life and I have mine and I'm finding it easier and easier not to put myself in the "line" of her life anymore. My ex was my best friend and we are still very close.....but life does go on and so do you and K need to move so many ways it's only fair to her.