Big Step For Me

There is a big NASCAR coming to the nearby city this weekend.  I could really give a crap less, but K really likes it.  They have two big races a year here, and for the past several years I have had tickets.  My company is a large NASCAR sponsor and for several years I got tickets for free.  The past couple of races I have had to buy them and usually I have gone with her to the races.  As I said, I really don't care about the race, but I go because she likes it.


This year she is short on cash, mostly because she and AJ (and his daughter) are taking a cruise during the week of Thanksgiving.  The final payment was due at the end of September.  Because she did not get tickets sooner and there was no opportunity for me to get free ones at work, she finds herself with no tickets and no money to buy them.  She even prefers the cheap seats and she cannot scrap up the money.  AJ has recently changed jobs and he is short on cash too, and unable to buy them for her.


I have a little money.  Not a lot, but I could come up with the $140 for two tickets for her and AJ.  Why would I do that?  Because it would make her happy.  


It's almost like a habit.  When she needs something, or wants something, I usually find a way to get it.  Now, don't get the wrong idea.  I am not running out buying everything she sees and she is not asking for everything, but something like this race is special and would really give her a lot of joy.  And not only that, next week is her birthday.  (A big one too.)


This afternoon I went online at work.  I checked to see if I got any discounts because of my employer (I didn't).  I then went to the track's website and looked up tickets that are similar to ones we have had in the past.  I click the "add to cart" button and pulled out my wallet.


Then I thought a minute.  I am not responsible for making her happy.  She can make herself happy.  She has plenty of her own money and if she wanted the tickets she can buy them herself.  She is a big girl and she does not need me doing that for her.  Besides, I really do have other things I need to do with that money.  There are other bills that would be delayed because of money diverted to these tickets.


Once upon a time, it would not have mattered.  I would have bought the tickets and I would have figured out the rest later. I have to stop doing that.  I need to take care of me and my responsibilities.  My responsibility to her is to support her while she finishes school.  Anything after that, is something she can take care of herself.  


I guess this is another step in letting go.