Saturday, July 24, 2010

Make Me Feel Good

T and I went out last night.  He said 2 things that made me feel good. 

Since we do not have a place to go to be alone, we sometimes rent a hotel room.  I have gotten good a finding deals online and navigating HotWire.  I got out of work and checked into the room.  I took a shower while waiting for him to arrive.  

When he got there, he looked so good (I took this picture yesterday.).  Since I had just showered and shaved I was partially dressed and do not look quite as good as him, (you don't want to see my picture)   He came in, gave me a hug and kiss and said the first thing that made me feel good.  

"You have lost weight."  

How sweet is that?  I have been walking around all day feeling like a bloated whale and he says that.  And I didn't tell him I felt that way today and I have been trying hard to eat better all week (with varying degrees of success).  Anyway, the point is, it was nice he noticed.

We had some private fun time there in the room and then decided that it was time to go have dinner.  Usually when we go anywhere, I drive but this time he did.  As we drove, we talked about normal stuff and held hands.  Then he said the second thing that made me feel good.

"I like this.  Doing normal things together."  

I think that so much of gay relationships seem to be about sex, other things are seem not to matter as much.  Driving together and just talking was one of the simple things we do that makes us feel good.  Just being together is nice.  Just being in his presence gives me joy. 

There was a third thing that made me feel good, but T did not say it.  When we arrived at the restaurant, I approached the hostess asking for a table, near a window if possible.  There was another couple that walked in just after us.  As the hostess looked to find us a table, the manager noticed the back up and asked if she needed help.  She told him, "I'm just trying to find this couple a table next to the window."


T told me before, if you ever see an Asian man and a Caucasian man together, they are gay.  I guess this hostess knew that.  That must have been it.  Based on my behavior, no one would ever guess I am gay unless I wanted them to know.  I don't think that anyone would guess about T either (though he disagrees).

This is the first time that we have been acknowledged as a couple by anyone other than ourselves.  It felt really good to me.


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Cece said...

This makes me happy and sad. It's really sweet that the hostess referred to you as a couple - how validating! The sad part (to me) is selfish - as the wife who is in the process of losing her husband to his new life/partner. I am happy/relieved for my husband that he is being true to himself (like you), but sad for me becuase this is not how I thought things would turn out for me. I really appreciated what you said a few posts ago about the wife - maybe it was your comment on someone elses' blog, but I get the impression that you really care for and value your wife and you don't blame her. As The Wife myself, it is really important to hear this. I mean, we feel bad enough with the rejection - it helps to hear that we are still valued especially as the moms of our kids. I hope you and T have a lot more good/romantic times together. Thanks for your writing.

RB said...

If you ever see an Asian man and a Caucasian man together they are gay?? I think that's a bit ridiculous.

Posting fodder for me.

jim said...

Cece, I very much love K and that will never, never change. While I do not, and cannot love her like a straight man can I will always be there for her and she for me.

She is my best friend and more. The closeness is like a twin sister, but not exactly like that either. It is difficult to express in words.

The love I feel for T is completely different. I may write about that one day soon. The point for K is that she is more than just the mother of my kids, she is important to me, independent of the kids.

I am not sure what you mean by "blame her". She is blameless in this situation. I am the one who chose to hide who I am and she has been nothing buy supportive, aside from the initial anger and hurt while got my head out of my ass.

Now that we are moving in a direction and she sees I am not going to run off into some rainbow colored neverland, things with us are so much better.

Hopefully your husband is giving you the same consideration.

Cubby said...

This post made me feel very happy.