Thursday, July 29, 2010

Meeting the Boyfriend

Friday night I might get the chance to meet K's boyfriend AJ. Well, actually we've met briefly of several occasions. Just a "How ya doo-in?" kind of thing followed by some uncomfortable silence, followed by him and K leaving to where every they are going. 

I understand his discomfort.  It's not every day a man meets the husband of the woman he is sleeping with and the husband tells them to have a good time, knowing full well what is going to happen. It's also uncommon for divorcing couple be as good a friends as K and I are. Add the whole gay thing on top of that and there is a whole lot weird we are asking him to deal with. Through it all, he not running away from K. He must really like her to be willing to deal with a situation that is sooooo far outside his experience.

Anyway, K and I think it might be time for he and I to get to know each other. I have no expectation the he and I will be friends, but I hope we can. I will be happy if we are friendly and I will settle for tolerant or  indifferent.  Hostility would be bad and honestly it would probably be a show stopper for K.   If he could not live with me, I think it is unlikely K would continue to see him.  K talks about him a lot and even thought I don't know him, I sort of feel like I do. Because he is important to K, he is important to me.

The next step will be to introduce him to me and T together. I don't think he is ready for that just yet. He has a live and let live attitude toward gay people. As for me, he is not  hostile toward me and T, but I think it will take him little while to get over the "ick" factor a lot of straight people feel when they think of 2 men together. I understand it and most accounts I read indicate that most quickly get over that once they get to know a gay couple.

Why do I care what K's boyfriend thinks?  Oddly enough he is an important part of the dream of how I want my life. I want to have a partner who I can integrate into my family (and integrate into his). I want K to have a husband who loves like a straight man loves his wife. Remember the dream?  I have talked about it before.

Thanksgiving dinner.

Me and T

K and her husband (maybe AJ)

My kids

Maybe other family. T's sister. AJ's daughter & her boyfriend. All sitting around the table. Enjoying each other's company.

* sigh *

Anyway, I know that dream is a ways off, but I'll let you know how laying the ground work goes. 

No comments: