Thursday, July 15, 2010

Unrealistic Dreams

I do not get to see T as often as I would like.  He lives an hour away.  K does a lot of stuff in the evening so it is almost impossible for me to get away during the week.  When I can get away, it is generally for 5 or 6 hours and if you factor out 2 hours of driving it's really only 3 or 4 hours.

I want to see him more.  I want to see him every day.  I long to be a partner with him all the time. 

But that is not possible for now, and probably not for a long time.  There is his family situation that gets into the way, but there is also mine.  When K and I told the kids we were separating and I moved down stairs, we told them that nothing would change for them.  We told them that I would continue to live there with them.  

Even if an opportunity came for T and I to move in together, I really can't do it now.  I probably won't be able to until my daughter (who is 6) is in her teens.  

The problem is I really want it.

I know I am a lucky guy and I should be glad for what I have.  I know that things are going pretty well for me and I am grateful.  I have a best friend (wife) that still loves me and is no longer angry with me for coming out of the closet.  I have a boyfriend that loves me and that I love.  Some might say I need to count my blessings.  They would be right.

T tells me I should not worry about what may or may not happen in the future.  That may be a healthy attitude, but I am not sure it will work for me.  I can be patient, very patient, if I see the light at the end of the tunnel.  If I have a plan to get where I want to go.  Or at least a clear vision that I can reach the place I want to be.

Right now I am happy  for what I have, but I am hoping that T & I can start to built life together before we get too old.

1 comment:

Java said...

I hope that for you, too.