I do not get to see T as often as I would like. He lives an hour away. K does a lot of stuff in the evening so it is almost impossible for me to get away during the week. When I can get away, it is generally for 5 or 6 hours and if you factor out 2 hours of driving it's really only 3 or 4 hours.
I want to see him more. I want to see him every day. I long to be a partner with him all the time.
But that is not possible for now, and probably not for a long time. There is his family situation that gets into the way, but there is also mine. When K and I told the kids we were separating and I moved down stairs, we told them that nothing would change for them. We told them that I would continue to live there with them.
Even if an opportunity came for T and I to move in together, I really can't do it now. I probably won't be able to until my daughter (who is 6) is in her teens.
The problem is I really want it.
I know I am a lucky guy and I should be glad for what I have. I know that things are going pretty well for me and I am grateful. I have a best friend (wife) that still loves me and is no longer angry with me for coming out of the closet. I have a boyfriend that loves me and that I love. Some might say I need to count my blessings. They would be right.
T tells me I should not worry about what may or may not happen in the future. That may be a healthy attitude, but I am not sure it will work for me. I can be patient, very patient, if I see the light at the end of the tunnel. If I have a plan to get where I want to go. Or at least a clear vision that I can reach the place I want to be.
Right now I am happy for what I have, but I am hoping that T & I can start to built life together before we get too old.
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