Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I Need More Friends

As I work my way through this transition in my life I need to build a network of friends.  It turns out I don't really have a lot of friends. Most of the friends I do have fall into to 2 basic categories. 1) Old friends I made when I was a kid or still in school. 2) Friend who are joint friends with K, which really means they are really her friends that I would hang out with when we were together.

Why don't I have friends?  I mean, I'm a likable guy.  I think there are several reasons for this.  First, I am shy when I first meet people.   The idea of walking up to someone in a bar is terrifying to me. I do find it easier to meet people online. I think that's because you can get a feel for someone via e-mail with over comes some of that fear.

Another reason is that it's hard is I have not been able to be honest so I figured there was very little point in taking the time or making an effort to get to know someone.  It would be horrible to get to know and like someone, all while not really being sure they would stick around if they found out.

I think the last reason is laziness.  Being with K has always been comfortable. I had my best friend with me all day every day. Since I was comfortable it was easy to get complacent.

Now I can't afford to be lazy anymore. I find that I am alone a lot and I want to be around more people.  I want to be able to invite people I am comfortable with out to dinner or to a gathering at my house.  Now I just have to figure out how to do it.


Anonymous said...

Are you in touch with any glbt center in your area?
When I came out (and was married), I joined a gay fathers group. It was very helpful in many ways. I made friends with similar interests and responsibilities. Many were out to there family, others were just coming out--it was a great resource. Our meetings involved discussions/check-ins/and time with fathers and their kids.
Just a suggestion, you don't have to meet friends in a bar setting.

Cubby said...

"The idea of walking up to someone in a bar is terrifying to me." Tell me about it.

Bear Me Out said...

You may have more friends than you know. Blogging friends (though we may never meet) have been some of my very best. Email me.