I have been seeing a whole bunch of blogs lately talking about bisexual men and it seems to be an emotional topics for a lot of them. To be honest I can't see what all the uproar is. I did not really want to get drawn into this, but now I can't help myself
The gist of what I have heard is something like this:
There is no such thing a bisexual. People are gay or straight.
I think the only reason some people think this is because we (people in general) like things that are simple and easy to understand. While I don't know of any scientific studies, I will have to go with what I think. I am pretty sure there are some bisexual people. I think that bisexual is a sexual orientation all my itself and it probably encompass a continuum of same sex and opposite sex attractions.
Bisexual people want to have their cake and eat it too. They are selfish cheaters.
First, what is the point to having cake in the first place if you cannot eat it. I mean really.
Putting that to one side, this is really 2 separate questions. Do bisexuals want relationships with both men and women? Maybe, but that is not really the question either. The real question is do they want more than one relationship at the same time. This is a more fundamental question that can apply to anyone. A straight man can want a relationship with 2 different women. A gay man could want a relationship with more than one man. The answer to that is about the relationships, not really about the people.
The other separate but related question, are they selfish cheaters. The answer to that is very simple for me and depends on if they are cheating or not. If a man get married to a woman and is having relations with a man or a woman that his wife does not know about it, then he is a selfish cheater and WRONG. It's really that simple. If he is lying to his wife just to get his rocks off, he is a cheater and there is really no way to justify that in my mind.
If, on the other hand, the man tells his wife he is bisexual and she consents (consent is the key here) to him having a man on the side, then I am good with it and so should everyone else. It is not about anyone other than the man his wife and the boyfriend. If they all agree to participate knowing what they are getting into, then I sincerely hope they are all happy together.
One commenter to a blog said "To say that Bisexuality is merely a stepping stone to being Gay is uninformed and ridiculous."
I was not sure what he meant exactly. I think that people are generally what ever sexual orientation they are. Meaning that orientation is not generally fluid over time. If you are gay, the likely hood is you have always been gay. What is fluid, however, is our understanding of our own sexual orientation. That changes and evolves over time before we settle on who we really are. If there was not so much bad press about being gay, I suspect this would be a much faster evolution for most.
For myself (and this in only about me) I think that I was always gay. But at some point I determine that gay was too far for me to admit to and bi was somehow easier. So I went with that. I was bisexual because I said I was. Looking back at my life now I do not believe that my sexual orientation evolved over time. I think that my understanding of my sexual orientation and what I was able to admit to evolved over time.
Did I become bisexual and then gay? No. Do others? I don't know. People have to answer that for themselves, after looking back and reflecting on their lives and feelings.
I still do not understand the hostility that some gay men feel toward their bisexual cousins. I certainly don't feel that way (unless you are a cheater).
I don't expect to post on this topic again, but you never know.
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