Wednesday, February 23, 2011

A Friend with Bad Judgement

I have written before about my former neighbor, let's call him "Shawn".  He came out to his wife and they divorced in a mess.  He lived across the street from me when his wife moved out, taking the kids with her.  He lived there for another year before be let the bank foreclose and he moved to a neighborhood a couple of miles away from me.  

All in all, I think he is a good guy who is fun to hang out with from time to time.  A few years ago, he took me, and a group of others, to a gay strip club (my first time).   Shawn's real problem is he has poor judgement.  In addition to other things he participates risky sexual behavior.  When I say "risky" I don't mean just not using condoms (I actually am not sure if he does or not) but things that could actually get him killed.  Here is an example:

He found a guy on Craigslist that wanted to come over a perform oral sex on him.  That's not so strange, but Mr. Blowjob, told Shawn to leave his house unlocked and lay naked and blindfolded on his bed and wait there for him to arrive, service Shawn and then leave.   Shawn claims he actually did this and told me later how cool it was.  

I told you, he has poor judgement.  

I don't see Shawn very often, maybe every couple of months or so.  During those meetings he frequently tells me stories of his exploits.  I do not offer opinions, I just listen.  Occasionally I wonder what it would be like to have his courage and freedom, but then I remind myself that I think he is kind of pathetic. By the end of the visit I generally feel sorry for him.  He is adrift and I don't think he even knows where he wants to go.  While I may not have his freedom, I have T who truly loves me and helps keep me grounded.

He knows I have never done most of the things he has done (or claims to have done) because I told him.  Occasionally I have told him about fantasies I have thought about, but never acted on and a few that I have actually done.  At one point, maybe a year or two ago, I told him that I have always wondered what it would be like to be with 2 or 3 other men at the same time.

This past Sunday, he sent me a text asking if I wanted to stop over his house later that evening.  I told him I would.  He said he had someone he wanted me to meet.  That sounded interesting.  I have meet his friends before and generally they have been fun to hang out with.  

I got my chores done around the house including getting the kids ready for school the next day and off to bed.  K works at the church on Sunday nights so when she got home, I got dressed and headed out to my car.  I called Shawn to let him know I was on my way over and would be there in 5 min.  I asked him if his friend was there.  He said there were 2 friends and they were on their way.  The he asked what I thought about having a 4 way with him and them.  After all I had told him I always wanted to try that.  Ummmm....

Like I said, Shawn was always telling me about his exploits, but I have never been a participant, or even a witness for that matter.  I have never really wanted to be either.  I think his stories are sleezy and they are not me.  Even if I was not already committed to T, I would not be interested in actually getting involved with him, or his friends.

Now I had told both K and T that I was going over to Shawn's house.  I had not left my driveway when it became clear what he was planning.  I told him I was not going to come over and made it clear I was not interesting in participating but he could tell me all about it later if he wanted to.

I got out of the car and headed back into the house.  I had been out in the driveway for about 5 min.  When K asked me why I was back so soon, I told her that Shawn had developed a migraine and canceled.  I then told T the same thing.  I probably should have told them the truth, but I didn't want them to think badly of Shawn.

I am not sure why Shawn thought I would be interested in a 4 way with him.  I think if I made a pass at him, he would probably take me up on it, but I never have.  I never would either.  Of course the first reason is that I am committed to T.  Even if I was not, Shawn's risky behavior would make me concerned that he might have disease.  Add that to the fact I do not find him attractive and, well you get the idea.  

Well, anyway, I don't expect I will hear from Shawn for a while.  I think he was embarrassed that he was setting this up for me and I didn't accept, especially since I was not that nice about it.  I may have lost an occasional friend, but I have kept my integrity intact.


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Anonymous said...

Difficult story to read, but I liked the ending.

I study fraud as a professional hobby. One necessary part of a fraud is a rationalization - a way to commit the fraud without feeling that we are bad. It turns out that all humans have endless capacity for rationalization, so many of us would have gone over anyway (to be polite) and then got involved (because it was just light stuff) etc. Ron

SC Guy said...

You have an strong "compass" that guides your life...and your actions. I really admire your staying true to who you are and where you are headed.

I recently heard about a similar type of "event". A fews years ago, it would have really turned me on to think about being a participant. Now, it seems shallow and in some ways childist. Perhaps that's a reflection on my own journey and my need for more than just somewhat annonomys sex. Perhaps that makes me a prude....or perhaps just a bit more mature in my thinking these days.

Keep the focus!