I don't usually comment on comments, but when I do comment on comments, I always make a point to say I usually don't comments on comments so people won't make comments expecting me to comment back. Now that that's out of the way, I have been thinking I may not have my life as worked out as I like to think.
In a comment on my last post Biki said, "Good luck, and remember, you are trying to untie yourself from K, not make more strings..."
Is that really what I am trying to do? Maybe my concerns are not really about the kids at all, maybe they are about losing K. After all she has been a constant in my life for 20 years and we are resolved to remain best friends. It is probably normal that I would not want to distance myself from her.
Four people, including T, have told me that my (our) plan to stay connected is not a good one. They are telling me that I should be working to make myself more independent and separate from K.
I need to think about this more before I have much more to say. But as I am thinking, I have to remember something. With only 2 or 3 exceptions, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE K has told that we are divorcing because I am gay, has told her she is crazy for letting me continue to live here. That she is crazy for not kicking me out and hiring a scumbag lawyer the first day she found out I had "turned gay". They said she was stupid for not suing the shit out of me. Some even suggested that she should cut me off from my kids.
Now considering that I live Baptist central (the road connecting the major airport to the interstate is "Billy Graham Parkway") it would not have been hard for her to such a lawyer. In a state where judges are elected and the more Conservative ones tend to get elected and re-elected, the odds are good she would get a judge that is less than sympathetic to a guy like me.
To her credit, she has rejected everyone of those suggestions. Because we have a special relationship. We have a special bond that seems to flow past this gay business. I firmly believe that even given how much she has fallen in love with AJ, if he were to suddenly develop a hostility to me, she would end the relationship with him. It would be a deal breaker for her.
All that said, maybe there is something to giving her (and me) more space than we are currently planning. Maybe it will be better for all of us.
It's late so there may be more typing mistakes than usual. I need to sleep and think about this more.
I am gay man in his 40's who was married for 18 years to a straight woman, who is still my very best friend. We have 4 children together. She is now remarried and we still want to be supportive of each other and make a stable family for our kids.
Cast of Characters
Jim: That's me
K: The wonderful woman I married in 1993. We divorced in November 2011, and she is still my best friend.
T: My ex-boyfriend. We were together from 2008 to 2013. He is still an important person in my life.
AJ: K's new husband. They got married December 2011.
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