Monday, April 25, 2011

Not Quite Ready To Give Up

 I am not quite ready to give up on T and our relationship.  There is too much at stake for me, and for him.  There is just something about the way I feel when I am with him that I know I will not be able to replace with someone else.  

There is also something comforting about having that unconditional love that appears to be so missing in many gay relationships.

So, given his situation (and mine) what do I do?  How do I deal with the frequent loneliness?  I think that I am already on a path to do that.  I am looking for friends.  

I think T is expecting that as I meet new people, I will find someone that I really like.  Someone who is more available that he is.  Someone who will be the partner that I really need, want and deserve.  He expect when that day comes, I will leave him for this new Mr. Right.

But I don't think about it that way.  I think if I have an active social circle I will be much less lonely.  I will have a better balance.  Aside from my family (who is 800 miles away) right now I have T, & K and my kids.  That's my whole circle.   There is Shawn, but I really only see him once every couple of months.  Besides, if is "conversion" holds out, he may not be that fun to hang out with anyway.

I think separately, together will work if I can get the right balance in the rest of my life.  Right now I am desperately out of balance which is causing me considerable stress.

Down the road, we may yet be together in the way I dream about.


TwoLives said...

Are you accurately representing what T thinks? Does he honestly WANT you to find friends so that you will fall for someone else?

Something's not right.

If that's actually what T wants then he is passively breaking up with you; he's admitting that his family will always come first and he will NEVER live with you.

I'm sure you two have been around and around this issue many times. The fact that you see this 'friend experiment' so differently is very telling.

I'd not sure that the distraction of friends is the best answer. It could be. But my gut reaction is that you'd both be better off in the long run if you had a knock-down-drag-out fight about your future. If T absolutely refuses to give in, I'd think you'd want to know that now and not at some point in the distant future.

Johnmichael said...

You guys make a nice looking couple (if that is you two in the picture).
I think that if it has worked so far, then you can make it through all this.

Anonymous said...

Well,I think you'd be a fool if you gave up on this. But what do I know? I'm always a sucker for a Vietnamesa, especially with a Danang corn pone accent

jim said...

Thanks Johnmichael!!

The picture is not us, we are a good deal older. T looks much younger than I am.