I am not quite ready to give up on T and our relationship. There is too much at stake for me, and for him. There is just something about the way I feel when I am with him that I know I will not be able to replace with someone else.
There is also something comforting about having that unconditional love that appears to be so missing in many gay relationships.
So, given his situation (and mine) what do I do? How do I deal with the frequent loneliness? I think that I am already on a path to do that. I am looking for friends.
I think T is expecting that as I meet new people, I will find someone that I really like. Someone who is more available that he is. Someone who will be the partner that I really need, want and deserve. He expect when that day comes, I will leave him for this new Mr. Right.
But I don't think about it that way. I think if I have an active social circle I will be much less lonely. I will have a better balance. Aside from my family (who is 800 miles away) right now I have T, & K and my kids. That's my whole circle. There is Shawn, but I really only see him once every couple of months. Besides, if is "conversion" holds out, he may not be that fun to hang out with anyway.
Down the road, we may yet be together in the way I dream about.