Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Not Quite Ready To Give Up (Clarification)

In my earlier post I was talking about expanding my circle of friends.  I think I gave the impression that in the process, T WANTED me to find a man that I could fall for that would be able to be the partner that I dream about.

That is not the case.  

What he has told me he believes that I will eventually be so frustrated with his limitations and my own loneliness, that I will seek out (and find) a replacement.  Someone who will be able to live when me when I am ready.  He is prepared for that day and thinks it will eventually come.

What I was trying to say about myself, is that my goal for expanding my circle of friends is about doing just that.  Expanding my circle of friends.  Now I do not have many friends and frequently feel isolated.  Actually that has been my situation for years before I met T, but it was always tempered by the knowledge that K would always be there for me.  As long as I had her, I was OK.  I think if T could be my full time partner, I would so isolated.

So with K moving on with AJ combined with me not having the opportunity to see T as much as I want to, with a sprinkle of a lot of time alone I have a life that is hugely out of balance.  Having an active social life will help me bring things back into balance.  

It will be better for me.

It will be better for my kids.

I will be better for T and better for K.

Hell, I will probably even perform better at work.

What I am continuing, however, is my devotion to T and the relationship that we have built over the years.  I am not stringing him along until something better comes along.  I know that at the end of the day, we share the same goal.  We just have a different opinion on how to reach it.  Or if we can reach it.

I hope this clears up any confusion.

It's late and I'm going to bed.

1 comment:

T said...

Actually, I don't believe that you'll seek for a potential partner when you get frustrated with the loneliness. What I think is that you'll reevaluate your goal in life, your needs and wants out of life. At that moment, you'll will want a life with a true partner. Then, you will have to choose between continuing with me and embarking on a different journey that will bring you what you look for.

As far as you looking for new friends, I'm all supportive of that. However, I truly feel that you should look at what you have now and be happy with that and have friends for friendship instead of having friends to complete your life or fulfill your happiness. Be happy that you have an understanding wife, kids that love you, a boyfriend who is with you at all steps of your journey regardless of the many times you dumped him to go back to your wife or one other time..., who loves you unconditionally, who understands your situation/limitations, who does not demand a lot from you, who is...LOL...handsome, thin, clean, honest, considerate, funny, crazy, etc...LOL.

Make friends. Period! Not because you need to have friends to replace your loneliness.

Take your kids to the Y, the park...

Have dinner with me and my family. Sit with me on my swing. Feed the birds with me. Watch TV with me. Walk around the garden with me. And...if you'd like, I'll let you dig holes to plant more plants, clean the bird cages, water the plants, etc....you won't have time to feel lonely...

You'll be surprise...when you look closely, your happiness is right in front of you.

I love you.

P.S. I'm also wise... :)