Saturday, April 2, 2011

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

As I have said before, there are two parts of my life I need to develop.  My relationship with T and my relationship with myself.  I need to establish a place for myself in the world.  A place where I fit.  A place besides my house where I feel comfortable.  Where everybody knows my name.

When I talk about a "place" I am not necessarily talking about a physical location, but more of a mental place.  Where I can have contact with other people.  People who will accept me and where I can truly be myself.

At the moment, I do not have that really anywhere.  Even in my own house.  I said above I feel comfortable in my house, and that may not be exactly true.  I might liken me in my house to a bird in a cage.  The bird would much rather fly free, but he also knows that he is safe in there.  Sometimes if you let a bird used to a cage out, he will get back inside as fast as he can.  I am probably like that. 

Of course, I feel accepted with T and I are alone.  I also feel that way when I am out with him and his younger sisters.  They know the nature of our relationship.  They like me and they accept me exactly as I am.  What's more, they accept the relationship T and I have.   It is not the same when I am at his house.  His elderly parents live with him and while they have accepted me, they either do not truly know about my relationship with T or they are in denial about it.  While it may change over time, they do not really like the idea of T in a relationship with a man.

I cannot really blame them.  They grew up in a different time and place and gay relationships just were not accepted.  Add that to traditional Asian culture, mix in a heave dose of Catholic doctrine and I am probably lucky his mom does not chase me out of the house with a broom.

I would like to know more gay people but the more I think about it, I really want to meet other gay people with kids.  I don't really care if the kids are the result of a former (or current) straight relationship or if a gay couple adopted kids.   I wonder if I will have a lot in common with these people and it will be easier to build friendships.

That said, I don't think I want to limit myself to families.  I really want to get to know all kinds of people.  Since now I know very few, I don't want to be too choosy.


T said... away...the wind beneath my.....wings.


Johnmichael said...

Wow up until the end I was just going to write that I also need to find that place within myself where I completely accept myself.

And then you mentioned that T is both Asian and Catholic. I grew up with both those influencing elements. I am not sure my parents could or would accept a gay son. I don't think they would diss me or ostracize me, but I know it would never be discussed openly. I think it would be swept under the Oriental living room rug.

It is been quite a journey within my own acceptance. It continues to be one.

jim said...

Don't misunderstand, T's parents accept him, they just your prefer that he not be in a relationship with a man.

They are also very nice to me. It's an interesting paradox.

Anonymous said...

When I came out, I joined a gay fathers group.
It was very helpful twenty years ago and I still have friends from that group.