Saturday, April 30, 2011

Calmer Seas

Over the past few posts I have talked about some stress and concerns I have felt recently.   Now in the past day or two, I have come to realize that there is a calmness in my life.  While it is not perfect.  There are still things I want, I have taken the time to notice the calmness.

This week K was accepted into a local private college.  She will be able to finish the degree that she put on hold when we had kids.  The problem is this school is pretty expensive.  In order to get the financial we would need to pay for it, she will have to be a single mom making only what you make when you work for a church.  With that income, even without the kids, she should qualify for plenty of aid.  

The problem is, we need to be divorced.  While I have known for two years this was coming, six months ago, it would have caused me a lot of stress.  I don't feel that now.  I feel calm about it.  I need to call a lawyer to help me with the paperwork.  I did not get around to that this week, because I had a very busy week at the office.  

Once I considered is a failure that I was unable to hold my marriage together.  Now I see the happiness that she has with AJ and that her and I will continue to be best friends.  While I miss T horribly when we are apart, I know what he loves me and I love him.  

So while everything is not perfect, there is still a calmness.  As a side note, I have noticed each of the past times I have written about "calmness"  something blows up.  Let's hope that trend does not hold out.

The past two nights I have been alone with the kids.  Why?  Because AJ's daughter has been out to state visiting relatives and K have been staying over there.  I don't really mind, but today is my turn.

Sadly, I won't be spending the night with T, but I will be going to see him early this afternoon and I will have the whole evening with him.  I am very excited.  


Anonymous said...

Once the action has started, there will be two attorneys and money tension.

1. I got the child custody but my wife did not have to pay anything. I did it because my bond with my kids is very close and my wife seemed ready to drop us all for her new life. If you lose custody, there should be a state web site that gives you info on how much you may pay.

2. I lost big because my wife had a lot of credit card debt and I had none. To the judge it all looks joint.

3. The judge ought to know about AJ. In our agreement, maintenance was dropped if my wife remarried or had someone living with her 60 days. I never hired a PI to watch.

I hope this helps. I knew nothing about divorce and I hired an honorable attorney who was not too aggressive, except in his $10K fee.

Prayers for you all.


RB said...

My advice is to try to get agreement on everything WITHOUT lawyers. Then just file the paper work yourself and be done.

Lawyers throw gas on the fire and run up the bill.

Sit down and go over everything you own, and split it up 50/50. You can get a program that calculates child support. Is she expecting alimony? If she hasn't been working then she surely could get it.

Run the numbers yourself first based on your state's guidelines. I think you'll be surprised at how large they are.

Don't be surprised if AJ starts giving her a lot of advice on how to get the most out of you.

She could do way better than 50/50 if she wanted to. My husband left me because he gay and now I'm a poor church secretary with four kids to raise? Look how that will play in court.

Btw, I have paid for 3 law degrees.